melaka trip photos!

cousin and me!

mum and me

cousin, mum and me!

mama and me!

cousin, mama and me

yima, yiyi and me

yi ma and me

mama

yi ma and yi zhang

yi en and me!

dad and me

yi zhang and yiyi

yi ma and yi zhang

toilet sign

mum and me

family photo! adults only!

room!!!

mama and me in the toilet!

mama

cousin and me

yiyi and my stuff toy! 'long bear'

yi ma!

mum

dad, mum and me

mama

 cactus in the toilet!

cousin and me!!

karaoke at kallang!

parents and me!

the cake we had

dad and mum

dad

dad and me

so today.... well, started off sleeping at 12am! and not replying a message. sorry.... wanted to sleep cos didn't really know what to say and was thinking a lot about what you said.... woke up when cousin slept, for some mysterious reason. and again when yiyi came into the room. wondered why. in the end, woke up for real around 8 plus. went to change, get ready, arrange stuff. then cousin and parents fetched me home! thanks! had breakfast on the way. burger king. very heavy breakfast! thanks for a wonderful two days!!! eventful, fun, exciting, a change, getting far from things. just what i needed at the moment. reached home, then went to kallang leisure centre for karaoke with parents. dad's birthday is coming soon, so we thought of celebrating today. had so much fun!!!! and a cake too! chocolate. their blackforest tastes better. went down to walk around. saw rena! said hi. saw them too. went for tuition, then to grandma's house. had dinner there. called shareen and grace to discuss about tuesday. :) nothing much happened today. grandma looks better! yay! :) went home. called on the phone. you're finally telling me. thanks. and i'm sorry for everything. i do owe you some explanation, but not now. there are so many things i want to know before saying much.

i feel like venting all the anger and emotions right now! tmr, will be going to melaka, another chance to get away from reality for a while. again, its extra stress just the day before going off. WTH!
i can't believe you told her, its like you're setting people against me again. believe me, you will see my ugly side soon if you don't stop. i've enough of tolerating you. I HATE YOU. for taking away some things so precious to me, and for not living your own life but destroying mine. and turning them against me.

using my cousin's mac! haha! not used to it, but its fun!
so today, reached school around 7 plus. supposed to meet mr francis for some stuff. but he came a bit late. went to class to put my bag with abigail. class was so empty, scared not many people will turn up. but in the end, guess almost the whole class did? so any way, went back to the hall with abigail.  did morning duty together. then helped.... or tried to help to get the girls to hurry to line up in the hall. oh wait, first part of today's programme was in the hardcourt. prize giving, theresian heart award and rose bud award. Irfana and Chingyi! congrats! and a song for national day was played. so in the hall, second part of the programme. watched a video on national day..... for schools. then had don't forget the lyrics, national day style! songs like home, count on me singapore. sat in front with abigail and ayilisha! basically, was with abigail most of the time. :) fun!!! and national day celebration, with the song home, reminds me of kellock!!!! and i'm glad to be in singapore when its peaceful. no worries about war and all. last part was another video of the national anthem. and we sang the anthem too! went back to class to take our bags. then rushed home to meet cousin. she was already at my house when i called right after school!!!! sorry for making you wait so long!!


so took 100 with christable. reached home, bathed, got ready, packed and went to vivo. then to harbourfront mrt, took it all the way to pasir ris. talked on the train.... played. we had superdog(idk how to spell it!) for lunch. then had ice cream. guess what? it was on the cone... and it fell.. and i took it up and continued to eat it! haha! okay, only two of us will know what happened in detail... hehe! so took a bus to her house. rested a while, played final fantasy 7 with cousin. then went to cut hair! layered... feels so short now... and cut a lot! :( it really feels VERY short when its tied!!! OMG!!!! then went back to cousin's house. rested, lazed around, then on to downtown east. watched the last airbender. its a great show! must watch!!! had chocs, nachos, popcorn, drink! cousin hit the popcorn box and it fell!!! but only a spilled a bit! thankfully! after the show, went to borrow secret, bu neng shuo de mimi, to watch. went online for a while, talking on msn!! :) now watching the show. secret! a bit slow moving, but love the piano part! the ending is a bit sad..... and cousin and i tried on a facial mask each..... aloe vera.... for fun! -.-


so finally staying over at cousin's house!!! yay! was so fun!  and will continue to be fun! playing final fantasy now!!!

so today... happy, and disappointed.

no chem test today! not enough time. cos the talk in the morning took up a bit of time. then english, mrs rohan was not here again. planning for the next essay. so boring! OMG! why can't english be more fun?? history. seriously, had no idea there was a history test. when was it said???? monday had no test, and didn't know today was the test date. any way, didn't do well and so disappointed! have high hopes for history. really really high hopes. cos its one subject that means a lot in a way. ss, no test too! postponed. recess. had a quick bite in the canteen. its so empty. then went to class to study for math test and try to do ss. ss, idk how to do!!! asked you again for help, this time its math! and the type of question came out for the test!! OMG! thank you so much!!!!! then chinese, nothing much too. have a chinese test next week. next week ,there are tests everyday! OMG! so ve, combined the whole express level in the dance room. did ve reflections. a  bit boring. after school, stayed back to help out with ne. came home, now on the comp.
won't be posting tmr! staying over at cousin's house. busy weekend, but must still study! tests, tests, tests!!!!
anyway, heard this song on tv...

its called letter to your 15 year old self, by angela aki

Dear you,

Who's reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?


For me who's 15 years old
There are seeds of worries I can't tell anyone


If it's a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself

Now, it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the present


Dear you,
Thank you
I have something to tell the 15-year-old you


If you continue asking what and where you should be going
You'll be able to see the answer


The rough seas of youth may be tough
But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow


Now, please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear


Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there are sleepless nights when I'm hurt
But I'm living the bittersweet present


There's meaning to everything in life
So build your dreams without fear
Keep on believing


Seems like I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?

Please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice


No matter era we're in
There's no running away from sorrow
So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present
Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness

you know, we're all 15 this year. somehow, this song, stirs up a lot of stuff.

please don't any how use my name to say things and all. you know who you are.
and you know, you've taken so many things from me, and now you are taking more. just how much do you want? enough is enough. get that right.

so well, this week has been okay..... happy times and sad times.
as the saying goes, 'we're only just as happy, as everyelse seems to think we are'

sunday
well, just tuition, and texted a bit. needed to talk to someone. :)

monday
well... it feels empty, somehow. okay, so 2.4. died at 2.4. my body had to stupidly do that during 2.4 and timing is horrible. 15min plus? not helping that knee hurts a bit. that only means, check up soon! OMG! deproving faster then expected. any way, thanks a lot to you all for your care and concern!!!!
candice, nasuha, rezwana, ayilisha
so the day's lessons were okay. lit was fun. wished i went for opening ceremony, seemed exciting and fun. anyway, its over, and what's done cannot be undone...... history, had no test as she wasn't here. so much for studying! but great! at least more relaxed. hope its not on thursday. eng was boring. amath, went into class and started a test straight away. did well! finally can say that for a amath test! bio was okay.
so today, felt kind of happy. whatever happened, things are well. :) and things are great today! so happy!

tuesday
emath, we have no test. ss was okay, learning the skill of reliability, i've no idea what she was talking about. why can't it be like history? so simple! compared to what mrs gan was saying. one reaction- huh? the rest of the day was okay. and for lit, before lit period, asked ms tan for permission to go to the toilet. and so went, then came back and she locked the door. please, need to go toilet, not as if want to skip class or something! so yeah, some of us got locked out. and had to do a skid of a part of the book as 'punishment'. didn't do much. hehehe. but it was funny! enjoyed lit again! then we were asked to leave class early. so left. and went to the science lab. walked round. then assembled and off we go for yog!!!
it was fun! went with nausha, ayilisha, tina, most of the time. so funny with them! cheered me up a lot! would have been moody and down. formation places stayed the same as usual. didn't change like at the float. didn't talk to those around at the formations much. had buns at idk what time, dinner around 6, more buns at 8. so its like tea, dinner, supper! hahaha! nice parents. thanks! there was one part, where the front of the heart was lined up first, then go to the rectangle. was a lone person at the line.... and the back of the heart came, everyone went  past me. scared of being hit!! haha!! the last part was the best. supposed to do 3 rounds or the whole routine but did 2 only. great doing that! can't wait for the actual day to be on stage and dance. just hope no mistakes. and we may be on tv on thursday, some filming crew came two weeks back, around there. dad fetched after that. had fries! ate a lot today! well, then again, not much. didn't finish the dinner they gave us. no appetite! heheh! YOG is always fun, more so because its the highlight of each week. need more excitement and 'distraction' now!
so anyway, cheer up! if there's something you want to say, just say it okay.

today
slept around 12 plus last night. was trying to finish homework so that today no neeed to rush, but no time, and just slept on the table till my mum woke up to go to bed. woke up at 8.30.... so sleepy! went to the dentist, teeth hurts now! just great! and planned another dental checkup in 2 weeks for a follow up. another checkup also due in two weeks! 14th august is going to be a busy day!!! 2 check ups, tuition, grandma's house visit! anyway, today's plans? just study and study and more study. cos tmr, we have...... ss essay, chem mole test, amath trigo test, emath congruence and similarity test. just great! at least for hbl today, not that many assignments. can't wait for this weekend! going to melaka! chem homework was a disaster. some stuff was in the notes,didn't even see! and alicia, thanks a lot for all the help you gave me for chem! slowly explaining and making sure i get it! thanks!!!! :)
tmr is going to be a bit boring, friday is stay-over! saturday is packing, sunday and monday is in melaka, tuesday may go out with friends! can't wait!!!!

i really want to tell you how i feel, really. need you and it hurts when you're like this, when we're like this. what happened to the closeness? want you to know, but guess what? i'm scared, lack the courage to say it, so i'm sorry, i can't.

been ranting and ranting it all out here. thanks a lot for lending me a listening ear and talking to me tonight. really needed someone to talk to. and grateful for you.
so today, nothing much to say. woke up around 10 plus. did some revision, amath  tuition homework. had chinese tuition. new teacher. but same centre. not too bad. went to grandma's house. had bbq food from dad 's bbq yesterday. played with cousin. imagine next weekend! will spend two days and one night with whole family, mama, yima, yizhang, yi en, her family, and my family, in melaka! yay! national day weekend! long weekend!
so next week's schedule!
monday- 2.4, history test, bio test
tuesday- yog, hoping its fun, please, if you're really helping me, talk?
wednesday- homebased learning, hope there's no online assignments again!
thursday- nothing?
friday- half day, going out with cousin and yiyi! cutting hair :(

got the song wedding dress in my head for the past few days!!!
thursday
no bell! after assembly and duty, went to get the tape out of the YOG performance banner, the countdown one. with trisha and angelica(correct me if the spelling is wrong!). missed the whole of chem. got back chem test. didn't do well! OMG! anyway, no bell. english, went through a bit of summary. was late for history! and still had to do the test! no time! rushed  and rushed... hope i did at least okay for history. ss had another test. both are sourced based. was scared of confusing the comparison for both. ss was not too bad. at least had enough time for it. chinese, nothing much. just talked! and meiyi helped with chem work! thanks! lin lao shi was sick, so no chinese at all. relaxed. ve, we were in class, then went down to the ava room. with 3b and 3d. continuation of last week's ve. anorexia. so horrible. the two women we saw were so thin! and so weak/frail. its a horrible condition. nothing to do at home.....

friday
went to school earlier then i wanted to today. but parents had to go to work early, so no choice. talked to raya, yoges, trisha. all the way till school started. ms quek! why she say those things? those words keep ringing in my head. hmmmm.... had duty, sky looked so dark! then went to choir room for a talk on yog by some general in yog.. long talk. interesting. and best part? we missed the whole of amath. went for chinese. got back the test, didn;t do well either. and we had free time, or as good as free time. just had a compre passage to do, but didn't focus much on it. just slacked. and talked! bio was fun! we did a bit of work. and 'debated' on when our test should be! haha! said wed, or fri! and both days have no school or lessons! haha! but in the end, mr ng said mon. same day as 2.4 and history test. hope it rains on monday??? well, then again, maybe not. went through some blood thing, then got to the topic of jellyfish. jelly fish is not a fish, starfish is not a fish, a ladybird is not a bird? haha! so weird! and to end of bio lesson, we watched some videos on jelleyfish!!!! bio is fun! eng was boring. did summary and nothing else. OMG! its a hard compre and summary! ca2 marks doesn't look good from all the test i've been doing. help!!!! after school, collected bio worksheet and went for ne meeting. have to do some national day stuff. i hope i can watch NDP this year. will be away and coming back on national day itself. just idk what time.
thinking of the way things turn out, we would be having ca next week if not for yog! yay! yog! so came home. and went out again at night. watched street dance with mum at vivo. before that, there was a trilller on some horror show in singapore. and it was spooky. we were at the back row, just two seats, seperated from everyone else. and two people walked in, wispering. scared like wth!!!! cos of them! so... hmm. dancing is fun! and nice! it was a great show! street dance and ballet together! the theme song, we dance on, is nice too! love the show! well, maybe its cos dancing is nice? show was at 7.10. met mum at 6.30, then went to get stuff! had dinner around 9 plus and had no appetite. thanks to yog, for letting us have early dinners on fridays! haha! one of the reasons. reached home around 11 plus. love my family for what they have done. grandma called just now. just the time when i was not in a good mood at home! talk about good timing! :)

i don't know what to say already. you're crushing me more and more each time you know. the hopes that i've had, the dreams, are all crushing down around me. sometimes i wish things will stop so that i can still hope, but i keep pushing it on, cos sometimes i feel that i need to stop the hope.
will you tell me?
so today, hbl. nothing online but still online. need to relax a bit. homework!! and 3 tests tmr! forgot to bring home math notes, so can't study for test. just great right! -.- ss and history too. two subjects that are so closely interlinked. and on sbq. but different formats! just great! talked to several friends today! online with yoges and ------. called abigail and twin!!!|

monday!
pe was great. only did two stations. shuttle run and sit and reach. both passed last year's timing! 2 As! yay! but must still remember to redo standing broad jump and incline. more push ups!!! next week, its the dreaded 2.4. how?? run more!!!! history, missed the test! its on thursday, which means history and ss test on thursday. and cos of today, emath test too! bio after school! mr ng didn'\t come, so we just did a worksheet from the excercise book. finished fast. went to get ready for training. dismissed early.
so went to netball earlier then expected. played netball game for most of the time. ms mok said no more training till after yog. why!!!!!!!! also no exams. well, can't help it. will have to survive a month of no cca. a bit of torture. no relaxation time! at least there's yog! will look forward to it. when yog ends, idk what to do.... and to think that ms mok didn't want us to have training at all!!! j, thanks for making it compulsory and not a choice. :) so any way, we had a choice, or rather ms mok said to run 2.4. then she said those who don't want to run, say it, raise hands. and we had alternative ideas. endurance? no... in the end, we did 10 rounds round the court..... holding each other's shoulders! haha! not that easy, not that difficult! was behind abigail at first, then went to the front, behind jacob. so fun! tried to jump on right leg, on left leg. two legs(this didn't work) after that, court game. played GS for a long time. parnered different people. finally got to play GS with abi as GA! yay! work well together! then played GK!! OMG!! can't even defend properly and still played GK! kind of my fault. well, according to her. for playing the fool? last part of training, played GA. abigail GS! went to find TWO people. ran from canteen toilet, to container toilet! haha! went back late. sorry. and yeah, sorry okay! for complaining so much and making life difficult for you. know its tough yet made it tougher.
after training, went to find the key to the door. can't find, so put the balls into the next pe room instead. hopefully it won't get lost. walked to seng siong with abigail, trisha, yoges. trisha left for mrt first. yoges got a drink from LJS. abigail got seaweed(sushi wrapping?) and i got sweets!!! haha. went back home after that. btw, don't be misled by my words or what i said! hehe!

so today, so fun!!!
lessons were okay. amath, gave out test results! so happy with my results for math!! must keep up and do better!!!! chinese was not as fun as usual, but okay! forgot to bring chem file!!:( and don't understand a thing about chem! need a tutor! who's good at chem???? teach me!!! emath, we could bring food to class! bought sushi during recess. and a pizza bread which i kind of lost somewhere in my bag. hehe! mrs fung was so funny today at class!!! and she told us that she was our teacher for yog so can leave later! anyway, we ended around 1.40. changed, went down to the canteen and got ready. bags in the science lab again!
floating platform for yog today! well, it didn't look too wet. we stopped at this F1 pit, and went into this nice air conditioned room that had really good air con! strong and nice. (the bus aircon was horrible! and it was so warm!! suffered!) sat in the room for a while, then walked a long walk to the floating platform. was so fun!!! went with tina, sheryl, alicia,and a few others.  fun people! :) laughed, talked! so reached the platform, looked so small compared to mandai camp. waited for everyone to reach, then went to our triangle formation. E5 i think. walked to the circle, then to the bird. now can understand why there are so many counts for the circle, its a long way to walk! and the bird point! ran towards the side, but didn't know where the point was. so ran up and down a bit. ran into the water area without needing to, but in the end, cos the whole bird formation changed, so ended up in the water. and btw, dancing with water is so hard! first time trying, kept slipping doing the pony move. at least didn't really fall. and the next part came the running on water! first time from the bird to the heart, just walked. didn't get there on time!-.- redid the heart too! just following people.....
break time!!! guess where our class was? near the ambulance! well, it was this sheltered place, with one ambulance and a big empty space enough for one class. and mrs fung got our classs to assemble there! so cool!!! haha! had buns! and a drink! sat with nasuha! went back for the formations. started to run from bird to heart, not too bad. a lot of waiting time, playing time. and to adjust the star formation, also took a long time. we moved here and there. finally settled down. talked. laughed. joked. and trisha! fell into the water by herself! well, she was in the water, then she stopped or something, and tripped, and down she went! wasn't facing her, just heard a sudden loud sound! then started laughing like mad!!! OMG! but she was alright.. hopefully....
had dinnner! went to the seats. walked SOO high up! sat with ayilisha! ate. didn't eat much, talked to yoges too. went down to refill water and came up. waited for a while. finally went back. had 3 rounds of the full thing. well, almost full. the triangle, bird, heart was not too bad. the star, idk where to go. just walked back and side and find a spot. hehe. the blazing the trail was worst! in the letter I, don't know where to stand! so just stand somewhere again! hahaha! need a lot  more practise for this.
after our rehersal, went to the stands to gather. some performers, maybe opening ceremony, did some fish thing. didn't stay and watch for too long! had another bun g\iven out. then time to walk back. about the same people. so fun with them! yay! went to the bus early. reached school. waited for dad to come. and we went to macs! before going home.
oh yes, and our passes for the yog platform! look so.. strange!! OMg! sec1 life!!!
so tmr is HBL. not too sure what to do. just homework? hopefully! its about 12 plus, sleepy, a bit tired, but don't really feel like sleeping yet. eventful day. lots of things to think about. next time might change the type of sweets i bring.... any ideas? gummies is a must.... ideas on how to bring actual food? in pockets? a bit hard....

so today, nothing much to say. emath tuition, came home, amath tuition. went out with parents and granddad for dinner. hoping 2.4 is not tmr. just not in the condition to do it. hope training won't be too hard too.
please, whatever you do, don't crush me. i need _____. while i can offer help now, its only to a certain extend. and really, i can't tell you why, cos it will really complicate matters and make things more akward. i really want to say it out, trust someone. but its not always so easy. there are so many things to consider, so many issues to solve and think of. one drastic move, and if everything changes, this time i'll really be torn and broken. and i don't need that now.
next week,
monday training, and napfa
tuesday yog. long hours so hope its fun. best if we are in the rectangle. most fun times and memories from yog is there. blazing the trail, a bit lonely. going to end late and sleep late.
wednesday home based learning. may be online for most of the day. doing stuff. yay! no school
short week, thursday and friday, nothing on.
while on the other hand, if you guess it yourself, then nevermind. who knows, might be better this way. this is hard. biggest clue i can give you? its all that i've said, you should know already. why this thing seems like its so simple, i joke about it and i know how it feels, but i can't say.

i don't want this to be something that i can link to the song haru haru again!

if i had you, that would be the only thing i ever need,
(if i had you adam lambert)
i'm sorry i can't say this out to you.

today was okay. woke up later! so sleepy after yesturday! went to vivo with parents, to macs for breakfast. then to spca! miracle wasn't there any more, hope she was adopted by a family who could care for her. played with the cats and dogs. then went back home, watched tv. had chinese tuition. went to grandma's house for dinner. texted and talked to a few people. thanks a lot! <3 if you're helping me but i don't manage to see it, i'm sorry and thank you! so any way, played with cousin. and talked to her. she's getting into korean songs! OMG! hahaha! played with grandma too! card games. i-d-i-o-t and go fish! till about 9 plus, then went home. called yoges, talked for about 1 hour 15min, then called leechin! today seems like a long day. believe me, i want to tell you why, but i can't. telling you will only make things more complicated. if you want, feel free to think about what i said.  its kind of obvious already, i've been like that for so long. soon you may even know who.....

lit fest!

racial harmony day!

so this week has ben okay. chem test is a disaster, hope its not counted for ca2.
monday
pe. napfa. need to retake! did so horribly! lessons in school was okay.went back after bio and tried to do some work. then slept in the afternoon. so tired!! can't remember much of today. don't want to.

tuesday
was okay. morning training, wish you were there. can't cope alone. school was usual. mrs fung said she couldn't let us go off early for lunch, so we had to get some light packet food to eat in class. yog, brought a lot of sweets! haha! it was raining, so we were in the hall for the whole time. leaders had to go on stage, then lead the rest. it was quite boring, this yog training. and finally realised, if not for what she has done, you all would not have talked to me! OMG! so anyway, thanks a lot for telling me what's wrong. after so long, after everything that has been happening, what you all did, at least you all are nice enough to say out what you think is wrong. not just walk away and ignore. and thank you for that. guess it still means something. finally feel more relieved, though nothing is solved.

wednesday
so any way, its been a long and emotional journey, and that's its ended. but at the cost of something else. thanks for 6 months plus of good memories, fun times, laughter with you all. its been great. i'm hoping you take the good memories with you and keep them, think of them sometimes. all the way to the end, i'm thankful that you still gave me a form of encouragement. thanks sha, for helping so much!! so at training, wasn't in a really good mood. stilll, its an okay training, nothing much to talk about.

thursday
lin lao shi was not there for chinese, did chinese compo. and band members went off at 10.20, so lucky! they got siver!! yay! congrats!! went home at 2.25 today, earliest for the week! slacked a bit at home. slept at 4, wanted to put alarm at 5pm, but it was 5am and so didn't wake up! missed mtv jk!!!!! :( any way, finished up undone homework for the week and just relaxed. one of the days were there's nothing much to do. but was so tired!

so today was not too bad!
morning training, well, was not in the mood for it. not in the mood for anything!! any way, went to help with the napfa stuff. and sorry, we were a bit mean to you, walking together but leaving you out of the conversation. don't take it to heart okay!! didn't mean to do it! well, in the end, trained for a while. and mr francis talked to us about yog stuff. so we have no CA2!! so happy!! and a lot of homebased learning, which means a much more carefree term that i thought it would be. even with YOG ending late, guess its worth it if there's fun and laughter and friends! amath, we are going to have a trigo test on monday!! how???? so hard! chinese,  we did the test. idk how to do it! hope will go well by chance! cos its counted in ca2. recess passed and it was okay. bio, did the quiz! full marks! yay! eng, did the compo. mrs rohan was not there and the teacher that came in allowed us to listen to music whilst doing the work, so it was fun!
after school, went with yoges to kellock. wanted to get a cab, but no cab!! so irritating! waited for like 15min??? then took a bus, and a cab, and went to her house. after dropping her sister off, went down intending to buy some food. but then got a call to say that sec3s were going to board the bus soon. OMG! panicked!!! so rushed to get a cab and rushed back to school. got so many calls. so scared will miss the bus!!! sorry everyone, made you all wait. so the bus ride was fun! thanks for sitting with me! and for sitting with me on the way back too!!!
so we reached the place for rehersal, sat down and waited. then did the parts we knew. and the teachers spent about 1 hour plus doing up the blazing the trail from the star formation. so long! so meanwhile, we just talked, and created our own fun! thanks a lot for accompanying me! really! and for being so understanding. i know i can trust you! :) had dinner around 5? it was noodles and some really oily fried stuff. sat with nasuha and ayilisha, kept laughing at things! went back for rehersal. moved front in the triangle. the part from triangle, to whirlpool, to bird, to heart, is so exhausting. just plain running or sprinting and dancing. literally sprinting from the whirlpool to the back of the whole bird back to teh front corner of the wing. then the dance!!! OMG! need more stamina! hope its really worthwhile doing this and it will actually look okay. so that's about all for today!

yeah, its over. its like i'm riding solo! you think its hard for you to do that? its hard for me too okay! so stop complaining so super loudly withing earshot or writing mean things yeah!

cousin's at my house now! yay!

so today, woke up late! cos wanted to sleep late! and so would not have woken up and really got out of bed if someone hadn't called. anway, went to eat dimsum with parents chinatown! went to grandma's house to give her egg tarts. had car wash! fun! then chinese tuition at tiong. went to grandma's house for dinner. early dinner at 6. and had muah chee too! the adults had durian. don't like it! left around 7. went to kellock with cousin. dad waited for us outside. we were there around 7 plus. so the stalls were packing up already. left the performance in the hall. so went around the school, then to the hall. saw yoges. so she followed too! and also saw alot of other theresians. most importantly, saw teachers!!! mrs linda tan, mrs janet tan, ms chia, mrs chia, ms sharon tan, miss tay, and a lot more teachers!!!! yay! mdm tan too! finally! never seen her since we left school. she looks well! :) then we got bored in the hall, went to play netball. so fun! and yoges!! what you said to my cousin!!! you're going to get it soon!!!!! a lot of other people got a netball too. haha! we took ours from the pe store room. miss the pe store room. and after a while, a few others also took a ball. so played and shot with the ball. then some teacher was waving and pointing to tell us to keep the ball. so we did. went to water cooler! haha! then to the hall again. then went down  to the gate B foyer. talked and talked about random suff. told jokes and quotes. then dad came and we left. came home with cousin. went online, and watched x-men, wolvevine. some story about him. and that's all. its 11 plus already!

miss kellock so much!!! glad i went back today. brings back so many memories. all the childhood good times. in some way, kellock and everybody there has impacted the way i am now. kellock is forever
important!!!!!

went to school about 7 plus? for morning training. was a little late cos of some stuff at home. sorry..... well, morning training was okay. then the team played monkey. abigail, trisha, yoges and i did shooting on another pole, thanks! did semi d drills. partnered yoges and jacob. fun! great way to start a day. had duty, then went to the hall. saw the band performance. was good! imagine the amount of hard work they put in for the songs and performance. maybe after stc, in jc, will join some performing arts for a change. saw videos of ocip laos and vietnam. so touching! and now i feel like wanting to go for ocip already!!!! hope i'll pass the interview!
today's lessons, well, was okay, amath we did work! got back amath sa1 papers. wished we could get back our test. chinese, our teacher, lin lao shi, was being observed by the other 3 teachers teaching chinese in sec3 level. jiang lao shi was there! band 1, band 3, band 4 teachers. chinese was still interesting and fun! bio went through the bio worksheet. a lot of mistakes!! had a short lunch. sushi! had a heavier recess. for the first time in idk how long, wore orange shirt. sec3s were let off at 12.40, lunch till 1.15, then took a bus to rp, for the floorball finals. sat with tina! thank you!!!!! floorballers played well today! first place!! score, 5-1. they really did well and deserved it. sec3s cheered and cheered!! left rp after the match and went for YOG.

slight drizzle when we arrived. went to rectangle formation first. talked and laughed with alicia, yoges, trisha, raya, huimin. waited a long time! 'bullied' yoges, according to her. in the end, from the rectangle to the star, only need to move 2 places. brought sweets, next time must bring a lot more! tuesday, promise to bring A LOT OF SWEETS FOR YOU!!!! went to choose our nominees for house captain. confidential vote. mini 2c gathering. all the memories from 2c. and look what we have become today! so we went to wait, and wait, and wait for our dinner to come. the other levels had theirs first. talked to jolin, chingyi, halie. and nasuha. got desert, jelley! with sheryl for the class. so we actually had desert before our meal! the other levels went to the rectangle again whilst we waited longer for our food. sat with jolin, chingyi, halie, zann, denise yong, yoanna. played truth or dare once, then would you rather. very fun!!! thanks a lot!!! had dinner. noodles. couldn't finish it, so gave to denise and yoanna. went back to fomation, did the formations with music. had to alter the heart a lot of times. the rest was okay, just need to count. and once, ran out too early from the circle after the triangle. my fault!!! sorry!!!!! otherwise, yog was okay. sat with tina on the bus back. haha! kim lim and chingyi was disturbing tina! but it was fun! and she's so nice!

so that's all for today!
stress level is back. idk why. today was an okay day. but did little to relieve the stress. for you all, i'm sorry. i've helped others, but in the end, when you all have problems, i can't help. and in the end, we just become distant. i've failed my duty as a friend to you all. somehow, hate you for doing this. giving me false hope, lies! so much for letting me become close to you, then after that hurt me by leaving! to you, cheer up. if there's anything wrong, can always tell me okay!



so today, begin with waking up at 5? around there. slept at 10. well, in someway, its good. sleeping early, although my energy level is the same, and still feel tired, it stops me from thinking too much and feeling more hurt inside. all the emotions inside, feel like telling someone. its getting a little too hard to keep it inside, and its even harder to look okay on the outside and laugh, joke or appear normal.
but thanks to you all, for making me laugh and letting me have someone to talk to all the way. never felt alone once. thanks for cheering me up, for accompanying me and for just being there!!!!

thinking a lot about those past memories, happy times spent together. well, seems like its over. and if you are really happier with them, then just go. i'd rather you be happier with them then to feel stuck with me. just tell me straight out truthfully that you want to leave. its better for one to suffer then  two of us to right?
'if forgetting me will give you freedom,
oh tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye'
big bang, tell me goodbye

monday
had morning training. was a bit late, cos couldn't wake up. anyway, went to school in pe shirt. trained a bit. toe hurt. idk why. pe, we did 3 rounds on the outer lane, and was already dying! did volleyball. hand hurts so much after that! stupid volleyball! so went home at 3.35. nothing much to say.

tuesday
had morning training. 6.30!! wth. was supposed to be there at 6.30. but was a little late. abbicia, renie, jacob was already there, no actually was walking behind her all the way! the school was so quiet. so scary. and so we sat there for a while.. talking... studied a bit. cos had amath test after that. just did a simple drill and tried to do halfcourt. this girl, just walked in front of us and sat down there. haha! well, amath test was hard. but what to do? its amath..... nothing else to say for today.

wednesday
well, classes was okay okay. had emath test, well, its hard! congruence and similarity. hope i do okay. lit, we were scolded for being late... but ms tan gave us m&m chocs!! so nice! one packet each! that's where i got the chocs from btw! had lunch with xiulin and meiyi. changed, got ready for training. trisha, thanks a lot for coming for training. could not have done it without you. well, after all that has happened, guess training is still the place and time that i can relax and not think about all the problems and worries. that's one thing i'll miss when i stop netball. will lose the place and time of 'refuge' where i can just not think about all other stuff. push out all the unhappiness inside. and just enjoy. and today's training, jacob, thanks for all the encouragement. so training, we did 8 rounds. stamina is horrible! then had steps. 4 sets. did some other drill, idk how to explain, also 4 sets. team was divided into 2, so one group each. split into 4 groups at 4 points, then threw either a lob or straight pass. hmmm... how to throw a ball with the hand just going out in front and not to the side? and how to not spin the ball???? split into groups of 3, did some passes. 3 to each group, 2 throwers one. then jacob, julia and i did some GA drill. okay, i cannot shoot anymore! was so tired! and thanks for being so encouraging and patient. it really helped you know. just wanted you to know that. finally the shooter, defender, attacker drill. euginia was the only gs, so she played gs with all of us, and i played gs when jacob was ga. haha! need to work on communication, but think we're alright as a team. it was so fun!! working with you. the last part of training, she asked us to stand in one line with our bottles, and the team was somehow told that we were doing suicide run during the break??? so weird. but haha! already knew we were drinking water only. so she told the team to just stand in a line, then said drink water! whole senior team was like' huh? no need to run?' or ' run and drink'?? haha!! funny expressions!!! OMG! walked to the bus stop with trisha and jacob. we did something terrible! haha! so any way, thanks a lot to the two of you, for training! :)
abigail, yoges, better come for training soon okay!
went home. was so tired! grand dad came over for dinner, so only started doing work at 8? till about 10. then just went to the bed and slept! the effects of sleeping so early, when i'm used to sleeping late? woke up at 2am and 5am! looks like my body is used to a few hours of sleep only.

thursday
dispite the long sleep, still felt tired today. guess long sleep has no effect! history test was okay. hope i got the correct words for fill in the blanks. and at recess, met yoges outside her class. talked for a brief moment then went down. thanks for accompanying me down to the canteen and talking to me. you really helped to brighten my day. and if there is something wrong, can tell me okay!! don't stress yourself too much. chinese was fun!! lin lao shi told us a lot of funny jokes and stories. i can never enjoy chinese more! really! chinese lessons are great now! thank you. ve, went to the ava room with 3d. sat with kim and xiulin, behind, qiying and lena. qiying, lena, paintbrush!!! OMG! i suddenly miss 2c, and the time i played with the paintbrush with them. and off course, the time when we were so close was when we were both in 1c/2c. recess time.... it hurts to think of it, after what we have become now. for ve, we watched a few videos. on beauty. like chinese feet bounding, the long neck tribe. after school, went to meet jenisa! went to eat macs with her for lunch. was craving for macs. had so much fun!! she's the same as in sec1!! so much laughter about everything and nothing. haha! only the both of us will understand. went back to my crazy self. to the person i was. happy, relaxed! THANK YOU!!! one day we must meet up again!!!!! online now. take care of yourself okay!

posting again. today was okay. had emath tuition, then amath tuition, ended at 5. tiring. trigo for amath is killer. congruence and similarity for emath is killer!! OMG! how to do ca2 like this!!! went out with grandma and parents for dinner. so fun! family bonding. miss you mama!! although i just saw her last night, and saw her tonight, miss her now!! i can finally understand the meaning 'familiy will be there whenever you need them'. they give you comfort, safety, unending and undying love. just what i needed at the moment. finally. finally can relax more. and to top it up, thank you for smsing me so many times today. making me laugh on sms, guiding me, reminding me about the upcoming tests and homework without complain. listening to my ranting. cos my schedule last week was so disrupted and weird, could not make much sense out of what the homework was, what test was coming up and things like that. so thank you so much! for spending time to talk to me!!! <3 <3 <3 alicia lim
and this coming week! yay! going to be so much more free!!! monday ending at 3.30, tuesday at 2, wendesday at 6, thursday at 2.30, friday at 10pm. so not as bad as last week. tmr supposed to have morning training, so sudden. probably go if it is true. but still might have to resolve some stuff. need time to talk to you all. see how.... okay, its late, need more sleep!!!