hey meilani! happy birthday!!!!!!!!!! its almost over. but i hope that you enjoyed your birthday!

okay, i'm posting again. well, school's been quite okay for now. but got back my math test. i almost failed! like 5/10? OMG. okay, so wednesday had training! fun! as usual. then went to ikea with dad for dinner. came home!

thursday, nothing much to say. mrs rajen didn't come! so no lit. but still had lit classwork. and had to pay 6.50 for the red and white string that we broke on wednesday. that's about all..

today had science test. this time, i am sure that i can pass. and very well! i must! if not, i willl be in trouble! then had d and t. have homework! i don't know how to do! had chinese which is passsage reading. then had training!!!!!!! yay! i can finally relax at training? i think.. i hope..... i should.... then came home!!!!!!! and now on the comp.

i don't really want to play GS for netball. i rather be GA. although my stamina is not too good. coach, please let me play GA again!

so finally chinese new year is over! got quite a few angpows. but i am not opening them yet. i will wait a while more.

today in the morning got ready to go to my dad's oldest sister's house. went to buy some food first. reached her house at about plus? saw cousins(doreen and jackson) there already. cos i think they stay there. and also saw doreen's hubby(i don't know his name). saw my dad's second sister. then my dad's oldest brother came with cousins(jo and raymond). and jo's wife. we talked and ate. talked to jo's wife..... then played taiti with raymond. played for like one hours? so unlike me.... we had to leave at about 4.45. sorry, no pics for this. and my dad's second brother didn't come with my other 3 cousins!:(

btw, my cousins are miles older then me!!!!!!!! raymond and jo is almost twice my age.(i know their age but i am not saying it here). they are all in their 20s or early 30s... i'm the only one in sec school! i feel sooo young! haha.

after that went to mum's side grandma's house. saw my cousin(yi en). and my so called auntie and uncle. they are younger then me but cos of some chinese stuff, they are older then me in terms of that. ate dinner there.... played 'fishing' with playing cards. and talked and took a few pics. then peishi(my so called auntie) and renjie( my so called uncle) went home. then yi en went home. then i went home too!

here are some pics.






this is my current maid. she is going home this thursday.
dear diana, thanks a lot for working for my family for about 2 years! wish you good luck in the years to come okay? don't forget me! i will really miss you! once again, thanks so much!


this is my soon to be maid when diana goes home..... i don't really know her name. well, wish you good luck and happy staying here!

actually, they are my grandma's maid.... but i see them once a week when i go over.

tmr there's school. and i need to run 12 rounds cos didn't bring the ball after tournament. and tmr there's training too! i am somehow dreading training. tmr in school, please, i beg all of you, don't mention the word netball! it gives me stress, unhappiness and loads of other stuff. i guess what had brought me soo much fun is actually the thing that may cause my downfall.

okay, enough said. i got to go already! bye

this is the 115th post! wow, its fast. my blog started only on october 10th. and already 115 post. well, its not that much. but its still a lot to me. i came online a second time today. i want to speak to someone! just talked to velvetina and yunling. for a short time only. someone talk longer to me! i am bored! its chinese new year and i am bored!

looks like i really cannot keep my feelings inside me. well, i will just have to watch what i type then. and check through to make sure what i say is okay to be posted. if its not, tell me! i can delete.....

hmmm, velvetina showed me a website to go to. its
www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=85883
she's a harry potter fan! so am i. but i am not so crazy over the show as her! actually, if you ask me what is my favourite character, i don't have one. i don't really have a favourite singer, band, show, character...... okay, i am posting this just to kill time.

hey twin, can come online? want to talk to you! i'll try and call you this week.

oh, wednesday and friday there's training. i can't say that i am really looking forward to it. but i hope its going to be okay. i don't want anything else to happen. still, i don't know why i have this dread inside me.... but nevermind...i'm going to be okay soon.

this post looks very long. i'll have to stop typing already. if not, this post will really be too long! and i realise that i haven't been puting pics in my blog post. i will do so soon. when i want to take pics. i don't like to camwhore much. well, bye!

happy birthday rena tan! hope you enjoy your birthday! best wishes!

happy birthday ariel! hope you have an unforgettable birthday!

okay, at least i am up to date on birthdays now. today didn't go visiting. just stayed at home. kk came for lunch. we had steam boat. yeah, just the 4 of us. then he went home. and i got bored so called shareen and karthika! together, we didn't talk for even 10 minutes. went on the comp cos got nothing to do. i'm playing neopets..... getting bored. i hope tonight will be a better night then today.

i hope that tomorrow will be a better day then today.
i hope that i will be able to continue and leave everything behind.
i hope that i will have the strenght to fight on.
i hope that i will have the ability to continue what i am doing.
i hope that it will be okay soon.
i hope that i will stop feeling lost.
i hope that i will stop feeling lonely.
i hope that i will be accepted again.
i hope that the happy times will come back.
i hope that i won't give up.
i hope that someone can really help me.
i hope that what i do is right.
i hope that i will not make any more mistakes.
i hope that i will be forgiven.
i hoep that i will stop feeling scared.

okay, what happened to the no feelings? i guess i just can't keep it inside already. but i think it doesen't matter. no one knows what i am talking about. i didn't tell any one what this is about. so i don't think i will need to worry.

hmmm, i'm playing neopets. nothing else to do. i'll be smsing soon! any one wants to talk to me? okay, any way, i don't know what to say. i'm just adding more post to my blog. i think this is like the 30th post for this month. hmmm, who cares? i don't want to care about anything any more. i want tp quit everything. people, let me go! i'll vanish from your sight. i never want to do this again.

i don't know what to blog about. i feeling like quitting. okay, any way, i said i will keep my feelings out of this blog. and inside me. so i'll post about today.

woke up at 9 plus. i heard 11 plus when my mum told me what time it was. i guess i am becoming deaf! okay, had lunch. fried egg with cheese and ham. watched tv and slacked. i should have studied. but any way, i fell asleep. woke up and went out for dinner with famiy. for tuan yuan fan! ate with grandma, granddad, big aunt, big aunt's husband, grandma's brother, dad and mum. 8 of us only! my second aunt cannot come! had a 8 course meal. before that, got a stomach ache! what a time to have one! okay, went home very early! and now on the comp. this year's tuan yuan fan a bit boring.

so that's all i did for today. i'm online but there's no one to talk to me! talk to me someone! i am feeling lonely and out! help!

today woke at don't know what time. then went to the market for breakfast. went to the temple to see grandma and granddad. went home.... read book, slept. woke up then went to other grandma's house. saw cousin and relatives. ate dinner there. played taiti a lot more games. talked and went home at around 10? came home, bathed and online. playing neopets. that's about all for today.

i have kept my feelings out as i said in the last post. so its just a summary. i don't want to upset any one already. and i am getting tired of this type of stuff. i still have lots to say about stuff and all. but i will hold me hand. i won't type it out. i think i'll just keep it inside me. bye!

today had chinese new year celebrations. had mass then had talk.... then recess. boring.... then went to our classroom for a while then went to the hall. had a performance. the band and dance was good! we also saw wushu performance. then had gift wrapping competition for the sec4 and sec5s. i don't know who won. but 2c won the chinese new year decorations thing! 2nd place. and i got a file. had to give oranges to ms lee ting ting as part of the celebrations. talked to jiamin for a while outside the hall while waiting. then dismissed.

guess what? saw jenisa. went to tiong with her and jackie. supposed to go with qiying but i she got on 123 we didn't. so we lost her! any way, came back and called twin. that's about all for today.

i won't be posting my feelings any more. much as i want to. this is due to the overwelming number of people that come to the blog. and i don't even know who these people are. so i have hurt some of their feelings and i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings any more.

bye

oh yeah, before i forget.
congrats to stc netball for doing well! to c div, its okay that we lost today's match. its ijtp! and any way, fairfield is the important match okay? don't be sad for today. we won guangyang! that's good! it shows that stc netball is not all bad! to the whole stc netball team, rest well and enjoy your chinese new year! don't get injured and take care of your health!

okay, got to go already! bye everyone

wow, my week has been okay.... but i can't remember every detail of it. so i will just state the highlights. we won guangyang sec! 42 to 1! yay! then the seniors won first toapayoh. and today, we lost to ijtp 6 to 36. its an improvement from last year!

oh yeah. today had two tests in a day! geog test was okay.... not too bad! then at recess had math test. 4 questions. i got stuck at number 2. any way, it was not too bad... then had it. it was horrible. very draggy. then did experiment during physics. left for the match after that.

nothing else to say already.... i don't want to say anything else. so bye.

okay, i think i have been missing a lot of my friend's birthdays.

any way, happy birthday shareeen! i know that this is a bit late. but still, happy birthday!

deirdre, happy birthday too! its a lot of days since your birthday! i am sorry!

denise wei, happy birthday!

hmmm, i think i am getting better at doing several things at once. last night, i called leechin(sorry for saying wrong words and seeming weird over the phone cos i was smsing and on msn too!), talked online to d and smsed h. and halfway d smsed me too.
d: hi :). i'm testing if you can multi task!
me: can.....(i forgot what i said. i didn't keep the message but i kept the one she sent me in my inbox.)

so i was busy. and i took a long time to reply d and h. sorry! for leechin, well, i wasen't really concentrating on our conversation. i was half somewhere else. sorry. any way, i said i will call you again next week! come back to kellock with me can?

and then d had to sleep already. she told me to sms her if i want to say anything or something like that. and i wanted to disturb her so i said goodnight and she replied. then i had to sleep so i didn't reply!OMG. and h was still almost home when i wanted to sleep. she is allowed to be out sooo late! sooo good.

okay, that's a lot of stuff. i find that i am getting closer to h. i msned her on wednesday night, smsed her on thursday and friday. and friday, every waterbreak, i smsed her. (that's why i kept going to the canteen) and any way, she's coming back on monday! yay! can see her.

i also find that i am closer to d now. off course, what i did at sc was unforgivable. i can't forget it. but d, thanks for forgiving me. and talking to you has helped me by giving me hope for the thing between you-know-who and me. i didn't tell you that. but at least you know that you helped me. cos you asked me about my msn name. you said that j does not talk to you during the match. so talk to me! i can talk any time! and sms me any time too!

okay, that's all for now! this post is too long. and i only took like 5 minutes to type it out. fast right?

hmmm, i am printing out d&t stuff. its a lot! and my dad's laptop got a bit of a problem. i can't get pop-up windows so amanda tan, sorry, i can't link you for now. but i will soon. any way, your blog is nice!

that's all for now. got to get back to printing.

okay, i am posting again. cos i have to say it out. d, thanks a lot for respecting me. and for helping me. talking to you, as i said, has helped me with my problem with you-know-who. somehow or other. i didn't want to tell you online. cos i can't see your expression and you can't see mine. only can see words. and not that we can read each other's feelings over msn. so i'll tell you straight out on maybe tuesday. when you go for our match. and we finally talked over msn for a long time! thanks. and thanks for forgiving me soo easily. from what happened half a year ago till now, you have been nice to me. even though i wasn't always nice to you. and i did something that i hurt you. sorry, i am really sorry. thank you for being soooo forgiving. i just want to thank you in this post. i know that you don't know my blog. unless someone told you. cos i didn't.

and h, please be careful when you go out late at night. i know you are older then me. but do take care of yourselve too. even though you might be with your friends. you may not worry about you but i do!

finally, m, do get well soon. and seee a doctor. your ankle is swollen. and its not normal. like mine. just that no one knows. but people know yours so do something about it! go to the doctor and get it treated. so that you can continue to play netball. maybe not for south zone but for next year's one. anything. just have enough rest! and don't walk too much on it.

okay, that's all i have to say for now. its really worrying me. all these.but nevermind.

today was okay...... nothing much really happened. had morning run. and then had assembly and cft. decorated our classroom. it is a bit plain now but it will look better soon!

then had science. so boring! could have slept. and i asked a stupid question that led to a lot more talking by mr james wong.
the question-what is SPA?
the answer-i am glad that you asked that question. it is a very good question. you see, it is important to know what is spa. and don't ask your teacher next year what it is........ and a lot more.

had recess. shooting. then had d and t. i also almost fell asleep. it was all talk. i think home econs is better. then had chinese. spellling was horrible! found helen's pic on one of the posters. then had training!

we did lesser drills for training. and we played more of court game. our match is next wednesday. i don't think i am ready for it yet. and at every break, i went to the canteen to sms someone. guess who? it starts with h. so training was okay....the went home, bathed, then went out to eat sushi with parents. came back and now on the comp.

today was okay. but no netball training to light up my life. we did shooting though. and tomorrow there's netball training! yay! i am wearing skorts. any way, now i know. for thursday's recess, i should take my time to go to the canteen. i don't plan to meet you-know-who there after her pe. must remember. today's lessons were okay. not too bad. but mr james wong very boring. and tomorrow there's physics. how to survive? i am starting to like chem now! thanks to mrs nu. yay!

okay, so nothing much to do already. nothing to talk about. oh, tomorrow there's morning run! yay!

yay! netball training. fun, fun, fun! well, did the same as usual. but i played as GA. and denise defended me. thanks for what you said. it gives me hope. to be able to face the thing between me and you-know-who. i don't know if you know that you helped me. but thanks all the same!

lessons were okay as usual. but the highlight of everyday is netball training! or morning run! that's what i look forward to! okay, i think its enough of netball. any way, that's all for now. a short and simple(for some) post!

wow, this is my 100th posts! okay, so today was a normal school day. and i saw you-know-who, but i kept my distance. its kind of better this way. then had morning run. it was 10 rounds. but i survived it! then had pe. i just kept shooting all the way. had geog which was okay. pe, i ate and didn't shoot. sorry netballers! then had chinese which was quite good. then math which was as usual, boring. had free period as mr james wong didn't come.

had training! well, it was okay, not too bad nor too good. we played a bit in the rain. it was the second round of trials. any way, to all o level students, epacially kg, t, h, yx and c, hope that you did well. goood luck for everything okay? missing you all! and t, you didn't take the pic with me! don't tell me that you forgot! any way, i hope that there is some chance to take a pic with me soon. and well, that's about all.

training still feels different without the sec4/5 of last year. it feels like something's missing. well, as i have said, good luck to you all.

and i got to go already.

okay, quiz time

FIRST 10 THINGS
1. are you single
~YES~
2.are you happy?
~well, here and there. sometimes. depends on what i am thinking of~
3.are you bored?
~well, sort of, since i am doing this quiz~
4.are you fair?
~yeah, i think~
5.are you intelligent?
~nope. really, i don't think that i am~
6.are you honest?
~yeah, i am~
7.are you nice?
~well, it depends. i am not nice to people who irritate me or make me angry~
8.are you irish?
~no~
9.are you asian?
~yes~
10.do you want to be asain?
~ya, i guess!~

next 10 things
1.full name
~charmaine eu hui min
2.nick name
~cha~
3.birth place
~kk hospital~
4.hair colour
~black~
5.natural hair colour
~black, i don't dye my hair~
6.eye colour
~black~
7.moood
~not too happy~
8.birthday
~20march 1995~
9.fave coulours
~pink, blue, purple~
10.one place you would like to visit
~somewhere where i can find peace!~

okay, another 10 things
1.have you ever been in love?
~nope, and i don't want to be~
2.do you believe in love at first sight?
~nope~
3.do you currently have a crush?
~nope, nurin, i don't okay?~
4.have you ever been hurt emotionally?
~well, not by any lover or anythig like that~
5.have you ever broken someone's heart?
~i am sure to have~
6.have you ever had your heart broken?
~no...~
7.have you ever liked someone but never told them?
~no, again, nurin, its a no okay?~
8.are you afraid of commitment?
~no, why should i be?~
9.who was the last person you hugged other then family?
~well, should be kg~
10.who was the last person you said i love you to other then family?
~i don't think i said that to any one else~

i think guys will have a lot of difficulty trying to date me! right?

last 10 things
1.last call?
~amanda chia :)
2.last person you hugged other then family? i think its a repeat!
~kg :)~
3.last person you went out with other then family?
~wow, ummmm, netballers? :)~
4.last person you talked to other then family?
~clare~
5.last person you msned?
~helen kok :), who didn't reply me?~
6last person you texted?
~clare~
7.last person you went to the movies with other then family
~shareen~ :D
8.last person you missed?
~amanda chia~
9.last website you visited
~gracia, for this quiz~
10.last person you ever want to see before you die?
well, atually, family, friends, classmates and netballers! i want to see all of them before i die

okay, i just remembered tmr there's netball training. at last! something to look forward to tomorrow. and there's pe and morning run. yay! things to look forward to tomorrow! okay, i am finally looking at the happy side of things. i guess looking through my ex posts really helps. and this is like the 3rd post today already! yay. should i do a quiz? maybe later if i have time....

OMG. okay, i am feeling very bad now. looked at my past posts hoping that they will help me. then i found my sec1 orientation campfire night. and our fecils were yingxiu, clare, zoe, phoebe and aderline. and very sorry yinxiu and clare, i mispronounced both of your names. OMG. and it happened a year ago. they forgave me BUT, i still feel bad! thankfully they don't know my blog( at least, i don't think they do). still, VERY SORRY!

well, that's all.

school tomorrow. i don't want to go. cos of you-know-who. but at least our recess times are different so we won't meet. ops, i just gave away some info of you-know-who. any way, we might meet at lunch time. as i think we both have cca on the same days. that's what someone told me. OMG. i think lunch i will not go to the canteen to eat. hmmm, and break the rules cos of her? maybe not. not cos of her. no no no no. never break the rules. (that's just so me!) haha.

okay, so the week end is over. now its a new week. and hopefully, soon, a new begginning. for me. a new start. a way out from this problem of mine. maybe someone will be able to help me. tell me that everything will be alright. that it will all be over soon. that people will forget everything. maybe, just maybe. everything is just a maybe.

hmmm, i am supposed to try and forget what happened. but it seems like i can't. things around me just can't stop happenning. people around me remind me what has happened. things that i see and people that i see remind me of what happened. that's one of the reasons that i don't want to go to school. and face them. but at home, its still the same. when i am alone, not talking to any one, i remember. everything that has happened. trying to see what cost this. trying to see if i am to blame or is it you-know-who. or is it a third party. i just remember all the things that i did. did i do them wrongly? i guess i am reproaching myself.

okay, i have written a lot already. i hope that with all the info here, nobody reading knows who you-know-who is. those that know are those that i told. i thought they could help me. and perhaps, yeah, they did. in their own special way. thank you to all that i have told. thank you A, N, K, I. i think that's all that i have told about the whole story. what happened. what are my fears.......

okay, so bye! sorry for writing so many words and hardly any pics. i am no mood to take pics any more.

hmmmm, i feel sorry for this person but feel angry at this person as well. what should i do? OMG, i am lost, i feeel soooo lost. i feeel so weird. seriously, i can't meet this person whether i want to or not. i feel angry cos this person is the cost of all my problems. but i feel sorry for her cos, it seems like she had no choice. nor do i. oh know, i didn't think that i will feel sorry for her. no, not even after 2 months of the incident. the thing that happpened is a memory. but the rumours are still alive right now. hey, tell me what to do can? you-know-who, you are the cos of my problems. and you know it. whether its your fault or not. and not being able to meet you to tell you or confront you, how to solve this? call you? you got to be kidding me right?

okay, i think i have had enough of all this. everything will end soon. if things turn out the way i want it to, i will not have to endure this any longer. i hope the time comes soon. the time when you-know-who will realise what she has done to me.

i don't want to talk about it any more. bye!

so today, had flag day. reached school at 9. it was the reporting time. went to the canteen and talked to a few classmates for a while. thne went to the hall and sat in our groups. talked to ida. then met our seniors. they are lixian, ophelia, yijing, peixin and ???. sorry, i forgot the last senior's name. for my class people, its ida, lena, si jia and me. we went to ikea. but a lot of us were there so lixian called mrs nu and we went to redhill instead. went to lixian's dad's shop. its a hair salon. went to eat. then sold flags again. then went back to school. went home. at night, went out for dinner with cousin and family.

okay, so pics time.

















so that's all the pics i took today.
p.s. lixian, i didn't delete that one... you deleted the other photo yourself. so i can't put it here.:(
i feel like i am talking to myself again. since lixian don't know my blog.(i think) and even if she knows, she won't tag or tell me. right?