okay, i can finally post.

so on monday, had morning run. 10 rounds......... very tiring. my stamina is horrible. then had pe. it was okay. i just shoot.... not that it helped at all in the match... any way, lessons were fine. had geog. it was funny!!!! we had this skid thing. i'll get my english file home and tell the characters on the blog. i forgot who played as what. then had training. not too bad. poor mildred got stung by a bee. hope she's okay now. i played GS for everything. so bad! i want to play GA. coach, please let me play GA again. please!!!!!!

tuesday
was okay. had lessons. was fine. had ve. watched millions. i watched it before. i know what happened! yay! then had dance. stupid me didn't bring pe shirt and dance notebook. got away with the dance notebook. got scolded for wearing netball jersey. OMG la! then had match. we didn't make it. lost by two points. thanks to the seniors who came down to support us. mrs mok, mrs dehamel, and everyone else, sorry that we lost. and i'm sorry that i didn't play well.

wednesday
nothing much to say. also the usual, had lessons. everyday have lessons, and homework. we hand in homework, we do homework, but never get it back! what's the point of doing it? just do wrongly, we also don't know. after school went to meet teacher cos she wanted to talk to us about the council thing. then went with jacob to the senior's match. met khoongoek, helen and i think jiali or amelia on bus 153. then reached the court. talked to mrs mok. mrs mok, whatever the outcome, please don't quit on us. please!!!!! we neeed you. then nurin and priscilla came. watched the seniors match then had mr prata. ate with jacob, nurin, lixian, priscilla and the bv div main 12. the man got our orders wrong. and zhixin didn't get her food. rained. walked from mr prata to the bus stop to take the bus. and broke my specs. -.- now wearing spare. took 153 then 273 home. shoes got wet so wearing new shoes now.
seniors, don't be sad okay? you still have two more games! go stc netball b div!

today
nothing much happened. lessons were fine. recess time went to library to print out my design for the council thing. then had lessons again. boring!!!!!! after school had self training. its was okay. left at about 4 plus? bought sweet on my way back. then came home and did homework! a lot of homework! a lot a lot. but still had time to sms. yay! smsed twin and k. now i can't sleep. so sad right? someone help me sleep.

i don't know why. i just don't feel good. nevermind. i won't put on this blog.

okay, i missed some people's birthdays. cos my birthday lists was not updated!

hey loretta, happy birthday! hope you had a great birthday. next time during recess must sing birthday song for you with the rest! haha.

and lindy, happy birthday! hope you enjoyed it!

okay, so today guess what? woke at 10am!!!!!!! super late right? had breakfast. then did homework. called karthika and twin.

had lunch and went to tanglin mall cos mum wanted to repair her watch and get some clothes. went to that cd shop and bought leona lewis, linkin park and another cd. the other cd is dad's. i wanted to get click five but then i don't like all the songs in the disc.(no offense to click five fans!) and so i had to choose between leona lewis and rihanna. got leona lewis.... cos i wanted to hear better in time.... its a nice song. i'll get rihanna and kelly clarkson next time. maybe click five, maybe not. the dics are in the car now. i am hearing it in the car! LINKIN PARK, KELLY CLARKSON, LEONA LEWIS, RIHANNA AND CLICK FIVE ROCKS! the songs are nice. but i do hear from some other singers too.

went to grandma's house for dinner. played tarot and taiti. i think i am going toplay taiti every week from now on. its nice! and watched a show. my mum and both my aunties bought cake! well, they are sisters, and so i think they have the same mindset. i am taller then my mum's younger sis! yay! so after dinner, which was rice and salmon(yay! they are my favourite!), i also had three types of cake. chocolate(by mum), strawberry shortcake(by mum's youngest sis) and ???(by my mum's older sis). then came home.

doing my council thing now. tough... i don't have that many ideas. and ______ you said you will be online tonight. where are you????? unless i came online too late? time check, its 10.35 now. i've beeen here since 9 plus. maybe i missed you. sorry! but i want to talk to you. please come online!

this was an email that was sent to me by twin! i did send some emails to some people. or rather forward. but i'm still going to post it. as i feel that it kind of symbolises what i feel now. i did make some changes to it.

okay, read slowly

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not........

care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)

*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?*

people live but they also die. i hope that my friends will always be by my side.

i want to tell a lot of people that you are a friend. check your email, i have sent it to you. to most people, you are still in my heart. just that i don't have the wrods to express it.

to 3 special people, thanks for caring about me. there were times when i knew i thought i could not continue. but you helped me do it. thanks!


okay, i have to go. i will post tonight.

hey meilani! happy birthday!!!!!!!!!! its almost over. but i hope that you enjoyed your birthday!

okay, i'm posting again. well, school's been quite okay for now. but got back my math test. i almost failed! like 5/10? OMG. okay, so wednesday had training! fun! as usual. then went to ikea with dad for dinner. came home!

thursday, nothing much to say. mrs rajen didn't come! so no lit. but still had lit classwork. and had to pay 6.50 for the red and white string that we broke on wednesday. that's about all..

today had science test. this time, i am sure that i can pass. and very well! i must! if not, i willl be in trouble! then had d and t. have homework! i don't know how to do! had chinese which is passsage reading. then had training!!!!!!! yay! i can finally relax at training? i think.. i hope..... i should.... then came home!!!!!!! and now on the comp.

i don't really want to play GS for netball. i rather be GA. although my stamina is not too good. coach, please let me play GA again!

so finally chinese new year is over! got quite a few angpows. but i am not opening them yet. i will wait a while more.

today in the morning got ready to go to my dad's oldest sister's house. went to buy some food first. reached her house at about plus? saw cousins(doreen and jackson) there already. cos i think they stay there. and also saw doreen's hubby(i don't know his name). saw my dad's second sister. then my dad's oldest brother came with cousins(jo and raymond). and jo's wife. we talked and ate. talked to jo's wife..... then played taiti with raymond. played for like one hours? so unlike me.... we had to leave at about 4.45. sorry, no pics for this. and my dad's second brother didn't come with my other 3 cousins!:(

btw, my cousins are miles older then me!!!!!!!! raymond and jo is almost twice my age.(i know their age but i am not saying it here). they are all in their 20s or early 30s... i'm the only one in sec school! i feel sooo young! haha.

after that went to mum's side grandma's house. saw my cousin(yi en). and my so called auntie and uncle. they are younger then me but cos of some chinese stuff, they are older then me in terms of that. ate dinner there.... played 'fishing' with playing cards. and talked and took a few pics. then peishi(my so called auntie) and renjie( my so called uncle) went home. then yi en went home. then i went home too!

here are some pics.






this is my current maid. she is going home this thursday.
dear diana, thanks a lot for working for my family for about 2 years! wish you good luck in the years to come okay? don't forget me! i will really miss you! once again, thanks so much!


this is my soon to be maid when diana goes home..... i don't really know her name. well, wish you good luck and happy staying here!

actually, they are my grandma's maid.... but i see them once a week when i go over.

tmr there's school. and i need to run 12 rounds cos didn't bring the ball after tournament. and tmr there's training too! i am somehow dreading training. tmr in school, please, i beg all of you, don't mention the word netball! it gives me stress, unhappiness and loads of other stuff. i guess what had brought me soo much fun is actually the thing that may cause my downfall.

okay, enough said. i got to go already! bye

this is the 115th post! wow, its fast. my blog started only on october 10th. and already 115 post. well, its not that much. but its still a lot to me. i came online a second time today. i want to speak to someone! just talked to velvetina and yunling. for a short time only. someone talk longer to me! i am bored! its chinese new year and i am bored!

looks like i really cannot keep my feelings inside me. well, i will just have to watch what i type then. and check through to make sure what i say is okay to be posted. if its not, tell me! i can delete.....

hmmm, velvetina showed me a website to go to. its
www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=85883
she's a harry potter fan! so am i. but i am not so crazy over the show as her! actually, if you ask me what is my favourite character, i don't have one. i don't really have a favourite singer, band, show, character...... okay, i am posting this just to kill time.

hey twin, can come online? want to talk to you! i'll try and call you this week.

oh, wednesday and friday there's training. i can't say that i am really looking forward to it. but i hope its going to be okay. i don't want anything else to happen. still, i don't know why i have this dread inside me.... but nevermind...i'm going to be okay soon.

this post looks very long. i'll have to stop typing already. if not, this post will really be too long! and i realise that i haven't been puting pics in my blog post. i will do so soon. when i want to take pics. i don't like to camwhore much. well, bye!

happy birthday rena tan! hope you enjoy your birthday! best wishes!

happy birthday ariel! hope you have an unforgettable birthday!

okay, at least i am up to date on birthdays now. today didn't go visiting. just stayed at home. kk came for lunch. we had steam boat. yeah, just the 4 of us. then he went home. and i got bored so called shareen and karthika! together, we didn't talk for even 10 minutes. went on the comp cos got nothing to do. i'm playing neopets..... getting bored. i hope tonight will be a better night then today.

i hope that tomorrow will be a better day then today.
i hope that i will be able to continue and leave everything behind.
i hope that i will have the strenght to fight on.
i hope that i will have the ability to continue what i am doing.
i hope that it will be okay soon.
i hope that i will stop feeling lost.
i hope that i will stop feeling lonely.
i hope that i will be accepted again.
i hope that the happy times will come back.
i hope that i won't give up.
i hope that someone can really help me.
i hope that what i do is right.
i hope that i will not make any more mistakes.
i hope that i will be forgiven.
i hoep that i will stop feeling scared.

okay, what happened to the no feelings? i guess i just can't keep it inside already. but i think it doesen't matter. no one knows what i am talking about. i didn't tell any one what this is about. so i don't think i will need to worry.

hmmm, i'm playing neopets. nothing else to do. i'll be smsing soon! any one wants to talk to me? okay, any way, i don't know what to say. i'm just adding more post to my blog. i think this is like the 30th post for this month. hmmm, who cares? i don't want to care about anything any more. i want tp quit everything. people, let me go! i'll vanish from your sight. i never want to do this again.

i don't know what to blog about. i feeling like quitting. okay, any way, i said i will keep my feelings out of this blog. and inside me. so i'll post about today.

woke up at 9 plus. i heard 11 plus when my mum told me what time it was. i guess i am becoming deaf! okay, had lunch. fried egg with cheese and ham. watched tv and slacked. i should have studied. but any way, i fell asleep. woke up and went out for dinner with famiy. for tuan yuan fan! ate with grandma, granddad, big aunt, big aunt's husband, grandma's brother, dad and mum. 8 of us only! my second aunt cannot come! had a 8 course meal. before that, got a stomach ache! what a time to have one! okay, went home very early! and now on the comp. this year's tuan yuan fan a bit boring.

so that's all i did for today. i'm online but there's no one to talk to me! talk to me someone! i am feeling lonely and out! help!

today woke at don't know what time. then went to the market for breakfast. went to the temple to see grandma and granddad. went home.... read book, slept. woke up then went to other grandma's house. saw cousin and relatives. ate dinner there. played taiti a lot more games. talked and went home at around 10? came home, bathed and online. playing neopets. that's about all for today.

i have kept my feelings out as i said in the last post. so its just a summary. i don't want to upset any one already. and i am getting tired of this type of stuff. i still have lots to say about stuff and all. but i will hold me hand. i won't type it out. i think i'll just keep it inside me. bye!

today had chinese new year celebrations. had mass then had talk.... then recess. boring.... then went to our classroom for a while then went to the hall. had a performance. the band and dance was good! we also saw wushu performance. then had gift wrapping competition for the sec4 and sec5s. i don't know who won. but 2c won the chinese new year decorations thing! 2nd place. and i got a file. had to give oranges to ms lee ting ting as part of the celebrations. talked to jiamin for a while outside the hall while waiting. then dismissed.

guess what? saw jenisa. went to tiong with her and jackie. supposed to go with qiying but i she got on 123 we didn't. so we lost her! any way, came back and called twin. that's about all for today.

i won't be posting my feelings any more. much as i want to. this is due to the overwelming number of people that come to the blog. and i don't even know who these people are. so i have hurt some of their feelings and i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings any more.

bye

oh yeah, before i forget.
congrats to stc netball for doing well! to c div, its okay that we lost today's match. its ijtp! and any way, fairfield is the important match okay? don't be sad for today. we won guangyang! that's good! it shows that stc netball is not all bad! to the whole stc netball team, rest well and enjoy your chinese new year! don't get injured and take care of your health!

okay, got to go already! bye everyone

wow, my week has been okay.... but i can't remember every detail of it. so i will just state the highlights. we won guangyang sec! 42 to 1! yay! then the seniors won first toapayoh. and today, we lost to ijtp 6 to 36. its an improvement from last year!

oh yeah. today had two tests in a day! geog test was okay.... not too bad! then at recess had math test. 4 questions. i got stuck at number 2. any way, it was not too bad... then had it. it was horrible. very draggy. then did experiment during physics. left for the match after that.

nothing else to say already.... i don't want to say anything else. so bye.

okay, i think i have been missing a lot of my friend's birthdays.

any way, happy birthday shareeen! i know that this is a bit late. but still, happy birthday!

deirdre, happy birthday too! its a lot of days since your birthday! i am sorry!

denise wei, happy birthday!

hmmm, i think i am getting better at doing several things at once. last night, i called leechin(sorry for saying wrong words and seeming weird over the phone cos i was smsing and on msn too!), talked online to d and smsed h. and halfway d smsed me too.
d: hi :). i'm testing if you can multi task!
me: can.....(i forgot what i said. i didn't keep the message but i kept the one she sent me in my inbox.)

so i was busy. and i took a long time to reply d and h. sorry! for leechin, well, i wasen't really concentrating on our conversation. i was half somewhere else. sorry. any way, i said i will call you again next week! come back to kellock with me can?

and then d had to sleep already. she told me to sms her if i want to say anything or something like that. and i wanted to disturb her so i said goodnight and she replied. then i had to sleep so i didn't reply!OMG. and h was still almost home when i wanted to sleep. she is allowed to be out sooo late! sooo good.

okay, that's a lot of stuff. i find that i am getting closer to h. i msned her on wednesday night, smsed her on thursday and friday. and friday, every waterbreak, i smsed her. (that's why i kept going to the canteen) and any way, she's coming back on monday! yay! can see her.

i also find that i am closer to d now. off course, what i did at sc was unforgivable. i can't forget it. but d, thanks for forgiving me. and talking to you has helped me by giving me hope for the thing between you-know-who and me. i didn't tell you that. but at least you know that you helped me. cos you asked me about my msn name. you said that j does not talk to you during the match. so talk to me! i can talk any time! and sms me any time too!

okay, that's all for now! this post is too long. and i only took like 5 minutes to type it out. fast right?

hmmm, i am printing out d&t stuff. its a lot! and my dad's laptop got a bit of a problem. i can't get pop-up windows so amanda tan, sorry, i can't link you for now. but i will soon. any way, your blog is nice!

that's all for now. got to get back to printing.

okay, i am posting again. cos i have to say it out. d, thanks a lot for respecting me. and for helping me. talking to you, as i said, has helped me with my problem with you-know-who. somehow or other. i didn't want to tell you online. cos i can't see your expression and you can't see mine. only can see words. and not that we can read each other's feelings over msn. so i'll tell you straight out on maybe tuesday. when you go for our match. and we finally talked over msn for a long time! thanks. and thanks for forgiving me soo easily. from what happened half a year ago till now, you have been nice to me. even though i wasn't always nice to you. and i did something that i hurt you. sorry, i am really sorry. thank you for being soooo forgiving. i just want to thank you in this post. i know that you don't know my blog. unless someone told you. cos i didn't.

and h, please be careful when you go out late at night. i know you are older then me. but do take care of yourselve too. even though you might be with your friends. you may not worry about you but i do!

finally, m, do get well soon. and seee a doctor. your ankle is swollen. and its not normal. like mine. just that no one knows. but people know yours so do something about it! go to the doctor and get it treated. so that you can continue to play netball. maybe not for south zone but for next year's one. anything. just have enough rest! and don't walk too much on it.

okay, that's all i have to say for now. its really worrying me. all these.but nevermind.

today was okay...... nothing much really happened. had morning run. and then had assembly and cft. decorated our classroom. it is a bit plain now but it will look better soon!

then had science. so boring! could have slept. and i asked a stupid question that led to a lot more talking by mr james wong.
the question-what is SPA?
the answer-i am glad that you asked that question. it is a very good question. you see, it is important to know what is spa. and don't ask your teacher next year what it is........ and a lot more.

had recess. shooting. then had d and t. i also almost fell asleep. it was all talk. i think home econs is better. then had chinese. spellling was horrible! found helen's pic on one of the posters. then had training!

we did lesser drills for training. and we played more of court game. our match is next wednesday. i don't think i am ready for it yet. and at every break, i went to the canteen to sms someone. guess who? it starts with h. so training was okay....the went home, bathed, then went out to eat sushi with parents. came back and now on the comp.

today was okay. but no netball training to light up my life. we did shooting though. and tomorrow there's netball training! yay! i am wearing skorts. any way, now i know. for thursday's recess, i should take my time to go to the canteen. i don't plan to meet you-know-who there after her pe. must remember. today's lessons were okay. not too bad. but mr james wong very boring. and tomorrow there's physics. how to survive? i am starting to like chem now! thanks to mrs nu. yay!

okay, so nothing much to do already. nothing to talk about. oh, tomorrow there's morning run! yay!

yay! netball training. fun, fun, fun! well, did the same as usual. but i played as GA. and denise defended me. thanks for what you said. it gives me hope. to be able to face the thing between me and you-know-who. i don't know if you know that you helped me. but thanks all the same!

lessons were okay as usual. but the highlight of everyday is netball training! or morning run! that's what i look forward to! okay, i think its enough of netball. any way, that's all for now. a short and simple(for some) post!

wow, this is my 100th posts! okay, so today was a normal school day. and i saw you-know-who, but i kept my distance. its kind of better this way. then had morning run. it was 10 rounds. but i survived it! then had pe. i just kept shooting all the way. had geog which was okay. pe, i ate and didn't shoot. sorry netballers! then had chinese which was quite good. then math which was as usual, boring. had free period as mr james wong didn't come.

had training! well, it was okay, not too bad nor too good. we played a bit in the rain. it was the second round of trials. any way, to all o level students, epacially kg, t, h, yx and c, hope that you did well. goood luck for everything okay? missing you all! and t, you didn't take the pic with me! don't tell me that you forgot! any way, i hope that there is some chance to take a pic with me soon. and well, that's about all.

training still feels different without the sec4/5 of last year. it feels like something's missing. well, as i have said, good luck to you all.

and i got to go already.

okay, quiz time

FIRST 10 THINGS
1. are you single
~YES~
2.are you happy?
~well, here and there. sometimes. depends on what i am thinking of~
3.are you bored?
~well, sort of, since i am doing this quiz~
4.are you fair?
~yeah, i think~
5.are you intelligent?
~nope. really, i don't think that i am~
6.are you honest?
~yeah, i am~
7.are you nice?
~well, it depends. i am not nice to people who irritate me or make me angry~
8.are you irish?
~no~
9.are you asian?
~yes~
10.do you want to be asain?
~ya, i guess!~

next 10 things
1.full name
~charmaine eu hui min
2.nick name
~cha~
3.birth place
~kk hospital~
4.hair colour
~black~
5.natural hair colour
~black, i don't dye my hair~
6.eye colour
~black~
7.moood
~not too happy~
8.birthday
~20march 1995~
9.fave coulours
~pink, blue, purple~
10.one place you would like to visit
~somewhere where i can find peace!~

okay, another 10 things
1.have you ever been in love?
~nope, and i don't want to be~
2.do you believe in love at first sight?
~nope~
3.do you currently have a crush?
~nope, nurin, i don't okay?~
4.have you ever been hurt emotionally?
~well, not by any lover or anythig like that~
5.have you ever broken someone's heart?
~i am sure to have~
6.have you ever had your heart broken?
~no...~
7.have you ever liked someone but never told them?
~no, again, nurin, its a no okay?~
8.are you afraid of commitment?
~no, why should i be?~
9.who was the last person you hugged other then family?
~well, should be kg~
10.who was the last person you said i love you to other then family?
~i don't think i said that to any one else~

i think guys will have a lot of difficulty trying to date me! right?

last 10 things
1.last call?
~amanda chia :)
2.last person you hugged other then family? i think its a repeat!
~kg :)~
3.last person you went out with other then family?
~wow, ummmm, netballers? :)~
4.last person you talked to other then family?
~clare~
5.last person you msned?
~helen kok :), who didn't reply me?~
6last person you texted?
~clare~
7.last person you went to the movies with other then family
~shareen~ :D
8.last person you missed?
~amanda chia~
9.last website you visited
~gracia, for this quiz~
10.last person you ever want to see before you die?
well, atually, family, friends, classmates and netballers! i want to see all of them before i die

okay, i just remembered tmr there's netball training. at last! something to look forward to tomorrow. and there's pe and morning run. yay! things to look forward to tomorrow! okay, i am finally looking at the happy side of things. i guess looking through my ex posts really helps. and this is like the 3rd post today already! yay. should i do a quiz? maybe later if i have time....