It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice you mean everything
All I know is I'mma be ok
lyrics from leona lewis, better in time. this song, helped me through some tough times. hope it will help me through this time again.
Friday, May 21, 2010
so.. this week was okay. i thought monday was bad with results, apparently, monday's results were the best few already. really worrying. must do well for the next half of the year.
wednesday
well... got back my highest mark, but also my lowest mark. was disappointed with elit. could have done better. but actually after the paper, cos of all that was written, would do badly. but really wanted more! got a B3! for combined humanities. deproved .... by a lot! then history, got my highest mark. yay! my one and only A1. then amath was bad. failed amath. sad... really sad... have to explain to two tuition teachers now. yes, i've two amath tuitions and still can't pass. maybe need more? so irritated and sad with my marks. chem, was the most disappointed. not even any where near A. low, reallly low B. and class average is 72, highest is 90 plus? anyway, the rest of the day, i don't want to elaborate. came home early cos no training. thankfully, had some time to think and get over everything. pain eyes after that!
thursday
came to school, eyes were tired and pain.... idk why. well... got back emath. also disappointed. not A. just one more mark. never got a B for emath before! bio was better then expected. one and only A2. happy with bio marks. L1 R5 was HIGH! percentage was LOW!
then had YOG. lunch time from 12.40 to 1.30. sec3s were in the canteen. waiting and waiting for the bus to come. so few came. so had to self entertain. talked to nasuha and ayilisha, then went to janice, jiayi, xiulin, karthika, elspeth. played random games? chopsticks, the hitting hand one, scissors, paper, stone, both the hit hand and the spilt one. was fun! the spilt one, kept laughing with them! went to get mp3 with elspeth and karthika. karthika stayed at the bottom of the classroom block. we both went up, came down, cannot find her, then went back to the canteen, she was not there. we shouted her name several times at the classroom block. she was in the toilet... ops... sorry karthika. then we waited, and waited. till about 3.30. or maybe later? got on the bus. sat with jiayi! talked, slept. reached mandai army camp. went to the hall to dance. had buns! then formation on the hardground downstairs. our class formation was great! good job! so we were asked to form triangles. but our class was lost cos mr franis didn't give us the formation! so just ran in like that! then danced. so we waited. and waited, and waited, for the buses to get us. sec3s were the last. and we were the second last class! reached school around 7.15? so long. seriously, bus company sucks.
went for dinner with mum. reached home around 11. slept at 12. almost couldn't wake up!
friday
just couldn't wake up today. cos yesturday was so tiring! today was almost like a waste of time. jiayi brought books to school.manga. nice! was in the canteen with them, the went to class. no key, nasuha got it! went to look for someone and talked. went to the hall for mass. it was okay. then mrs wong spoke to us, then a video presentation. something about a feather and wind! went back to class. 3c joined us. 3a only had 25 people in school. idk about the other classes. did a reflection on an incident about what you did that was opposed by others and something like that... can't remember. went for recess. then to the bio lab with 3c and 3d for about 1 hour or more video on doctor Goh, a video in his memory. was so boring! can sleep! wanted to cos was very tired. had free time in class cos mrs fung didn't come. so free time! talked with friends.
went to grandma's house. had lunch there, talked to her about lots of things. her past and so on. its been a long time since we did that and i miss those times. slept at 4.30. tired out. woke up around 5 plus to watch a show, then had dinner when mum came. was supposed to go for a show with mum but she didn't want to in the end, so now at home, online.... idk what to do now.... don't want to sleep so early. and can't sleep.mind's on too many things again....
i'd never thought you'd go back, but you did, you did
oh baby you left and sailed away alone,
And now you got me trapped up on this island
With nowhere to get home
And I don't wanna go, no
I don't wanna go, go
I don't wanna go, no
I don't wanna go, no
I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it Solo (solo)
Cuz I was so high
And I was so low
And I don't wanna walk around alone, so lone
And I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it solo (solo, solo)
see you give me a purpose
lyrics from solo, iyaz. part of what i'm feeling right now.. its like.... i don't want to be alone here, so please, don't leave me. wonder if you all know, i've a great fear of being alone and lonely. all this was compounded even more during sec1, the fear of loneliness and being alone again, no one to talk to, no one to turn to, being outcast. i'm really hoping it won't come back. those were really bad memories. but everytime something happens, i think of that year.....
wednesday
well... got back my highest mark, but also my lowest mark. was disappointed with elit. could have done better. but actually after the paper, cos of all that was written, would do badly. but really wanted more! got a B3! for combined humanities. deproved .... by a lot! then history, got my highest mark. yay! my one and only A1. then amath was bad. failed amath. sad... really sad... have to explain to two tuition teachers now. yes, i've two amath tuitions and still can't pass. maybe need more? so irritated and sad with my marks. chem, was the most disappointed. not even any where near A. low, reallly low B. and class average is 72, highest is 90 plus? anyway, the rest of the day, i don't want to elaborate. came home early cos no training. thankfully, had some time to think and get over everything. pain eyes after that!
thursday
came to school, eyes were tired and pain.... idk why. well... got back emath. also disappointed. not A. just one more mark. never got a B for emath before! bio was better then expected. one and only A2. happy with bio marks. L1 R5 was HIGH! percentage was LOW!
then had YOG. lunch time from 12.40 to 1.30. sec3s were in the canteen. waiting and waiting for the bus to come. so few came. so had to self entertain. talked to nasuha and ayilisha, then went to janice, jiayi, xiulin, karthika, elspeth. played random games? chopsticks, the hitting hand one, scissors, paper, stone, both the hit hand and the spilt one. was fun! the spilt one, kept laughing with them! went to get mp3 with elspeth and karthika. karthika stayed at the bottom of the classroom block. we both went up, came down, cannot find her, then went back to the canteen, she was not there. we shouted her name several times at the classroom block. she was in the toilet... ops... sorry karthika. then we waited, and waited. till about 3.30. or maybe later? got on the bus. sat with jiayi! talked, slept. reached mandai army camp. went to the hall to dance. had buns! then formation on the hardground downstairs. our class formation was great! good job! so we were asked to form triangles. but our class was lost cos mr franis didn't give us the formation! so just ran in like that! then danced. so we waited. and waited, and waited, for the buses to get us. sec3s were the last. and we were the second last class! reached school around 7.15? so long. seriously, bus company sucks.
went for dinner with mum. reached home around 11. slept at 12. almost couldn't wake up!
friday
just couldn't wake up today. cos yesturday was so tiring! today was almost like a waste of time. jiayi brought books to school.manga. nice! was in the canteen with them, the went to class. no key, nasuha got it! went to look for someone and talked. went to the hall for mass. it was okay. then mrs wong spoke to us, then a video presentation. something about a feather and wind! went back to class. 3c joined us. 3a only had 25 people in school. idk about the other classes. did a reflection on an incident about what you did that was opposed by others and something like that... can't remember. went for recess. then to the bio lab with 3c and 3d for about 1 hour or more video on doctor Goh, a video in his memory. was so boring! can sleep! wanted to cos was very tired. had free time in class cos mrs fung didn't come. so free time! talked with friends.
went to grandma's house. had lunch there, talked to her about lots of things. her past and so on. its been a long time since we did that and i miss those times. slept at 4.30. tired out. woke up around 5 plus to watch a show, then had dinner when mum came. was supposed to go for a show with mum but she didn't want to in the end, so now at home, online.... idk what to do now.... don't want to sleep so early. and can't sleep.mind's on too many things again....
i'd never thought you'd go back, but you did, you did
oh baby you left and sailed away alone,
And now you got me trapped up on this island
With nowhere to get home
And I don't wanna go, no
I don't wanna go, go
I don't wanna go, no
I don't wanna go, no
I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it Solo (solo)
Cuz I was so high
And I was so low
And I don't wanna walk around alone, so lone
And I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it solo (solo, solo)
see you give me a purpose
lyrics from solo, iyaz. part of what i'm feeling right now.. its like.... i don't want to be alone here, so please, don't leave me. wonder if you all know, i've a great fear of being alone and lonely. all this was compounded even more during sec1, the fear of loneliness and being alone again, no one to talk to, no one to turn to, being outcast. i'm really hoping it won't come back. those were really bad memories. but everytime something happens, i think of that year.....
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
so.... this week has already been horrible!
monday
went to school. got back english paper. compo is horrible! 17/30! pull overall marks down so... got a B3! again! but improved from CA1. which is thankful.. wanted to get an A badly. cos its compulsory to count English. any way, chinese, i was even more angry. usually always okay with whatever i get for chinese. but this time! got the same mark as CA1 and guess what? its 69!!! 1 more to A!!! the only thing i was happy about was probably ss. improved from CA1. still, its not even a whole stubject. rest of the day was normal lessons. ms vino didn't come, so free history period.
after school, had netball photo! so few netballers already. sad... fun shot, jacob, abigail soo, trisha, yoges. abi lim didn't come:( then had training. it was okay. but tiring! steps first, two flights! just great! learnt a new drill.... then shooting drill. this part was okay and not tiring. but have to alter some parts that were previously thought. like cannot fake shoot... any way, its okay to change this part i guess. more chance to do well. was with her most of the time, if possible. if not.. someone else.. felt like its as if double crossing and all. but after training, okay already. and shared 'pig' sweet! haha! so its okay already! day ended off okay.
today
well, what to say? no papers today but more and more bad news. for exam results. lit was badly done, bio(said yesturday) was badly done. amath was badly done. so how? just have to hope for the best. photo shot today. was so fun! was with friends for formal shot. then fun shot, all 6 of us! stood for the first one with karthika. the rest sat. then jiayi and i changed place. after that had a 'buddies' shot. same people! janice, jiayi, karthika, elspeth, xiulin! just nice 6 of us! yay! will definitely buy the 'buddies' shot if there is! yay! so at least today had something happy. left math class at 1.30 for council photo. got blazer at the council room. then went to the hall. the people were not there yet so delayed. stayed with ayilisha and nasuha all the way, went down to get bags. then ate ice cream in the canteen. went up again and talked. finally got the photo taken! fun shot with nasuha! came home. so that's all so far. i don't want to get the other papers back...
monday
went to school. got back english paper. compo is horrible! 17/30! pull overall marks down so... got a B3! again! but improved from CA1. which is thankful.. wanted to get an A badly. cos its compulsory to count English. any way, chinese, i was even more angry. usually always okay with whatever i get for chinese. but this time! got the same mark as CA1 and guess what? its 69!!! 1 more to A!!! the only thing i was happy about was probably ss. improved from CA1. still, its not even a whole stubject. rest of the day was normal lessons. ms vino didn't come, so free history period.
after school, had netball photo! so few netballers already. sad... fun shot, jacob, abigail soo, trisha, yoges. abi lim didn't come:( then had training. it was okay. but tiring! steps first, two flights! just great! learnt a new drill.... then shooting drill. this part was okay and not tiring. but have to alter some parts that were previously thought. like cannot fake shoot... any way, its okay to change this part i guess. more chance to do well. was with her most of the time, if possible. if not.. someone else.. felt like its as if double crossing and all. but after training, okay already. and shared 'pig' sweet! haha! so its okay already! day ended off okay.
today
well, what to say? no papers today but more and more bad news. for exam results. lit was badly done, bio(said yesturday) was badly done. amath was badly done. so how? just have to hope for the best. photo shot today. was so fun! was with friends for formal shot. then fun shot, all 6 of us! stood for the first one with karthika. the rest sat. then jiayi and i changed place. after that had a 'buddies' shot. same people! janice, jiayi, karthika, elspeth, xiulin! just nice 6 of us! yay! will definitely buy the 'buddies' shot if there is! yay! so at least today had something happy. left math class at 1.30 for council photo. got blazer at the council room. then went to the hall. the people were not there yet so delayed. stayed with ayilisha and nasuha all the way, went down to get bags. then ate ice cream in the canteen. went up again and talked. finally got the photo taken! fun shot with nasuha! came home. so that's all so far. i don't want to get the other papers back...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
friday
so.. stayed at home. woke up early, about 8 plus? then wanted to bake. so had to go down to buy stuff. came up, did the first round. it was okay. the best of all actually. then second round, didn't look as good. third round, was average. and forgot to seive the flour!! only realised it after everything was done. hehe! got a call halfway whilst baking. who else? haha! the better ones, put into a container for grandma, the others, are for self consumption! washed up, then just lay on the bed and slept! till about 3 plus? about 2 hours. so tired. woke up, bathed, went online, watched tv, mum came home early! for the first time! then went out for dinner at great world. got flowers for grandma, and met AMANDA !!!!! TWIN!!! yay!!! really cheered up after that!!!! went home, watched tv, slept around 1.
today
woke up early, around 7 plus. got ready, went with grandma and mum to the market. grandma bought some stuff and we went to her house. stayed there, talked. rest, went to vivo for a while. got an outfit for tonight. went home, got tuition stuff, went to grandma's for lunch. ate, nasi lamak. fishball, rice, chicken wings! tasted good as always. fetched yi en with aunt from mrt. came back to grandma's. slept cos was tired, then went for tuition at tiong. came home to change and get ready.
took a while to get ready. fetched some of mama's friends, then went to fullerton's jade restuarant for mama's birthday dinner. cousin and i had the fruit set. it was nice! went round taking pics! ate.. it was good!! yiyi bought a cake. so the dinner was great! pics will be up soon, should be up on facebook soon any minute... but blog will take a while. maybe tmr or something. so that's all! very tired already. bye!
so.. stayed at home. woke up early, about 8 plus? then wanted to bake. so had to go down to buy stuff. came up, did the first round. it was okay. the best of all actually. then second round, didn't look as good. third round, was average. and forgot to seive the flour!! only realised it after everything was done. hehe! got a call halfway whilst baking. who else? haha! the better ones, put into a container for grandma, the others, are for self consumption! washed up, then just lay on the bed and slept! till about 3 plus? about 2 hours. so tired. woke up, bathed, went online, watched tv, mum came home early! for the first time! then went out for dinner at great world. got flowers for grandma, and met AMANDA !!!!! TWIN!!! yay!!! really cheered up after that!!!! went home, watched tv, slept around 1.
today
woke up early, around 7 plus. got ready, went with grandma and mum to the market. grandma bought some stuff and we went to her house. stayed there, talked. rest, went to vivo for a while. got an outfit for tonight. went home, got tuition stuff, went to grandma's for lunch. ate, nasi lamak. fishball, rice, chicken wings! tasted good as always. fetched yi en with aunt from mrt. came back to grandma's. slept cos was tired, then went for tuition at tiong. came home to change and get ready.
took a while to get ready. fetched some of mama's friends, then went to fullerton's jade restuarant for mama's birthday dinner. cousin and i had the fruit set. it was nice! went round taking pics! ate.. it was good!! yiyi bought a cake. so the dinner was great! pics will be up soon, should be up on facebook soon any minute... but blog will take a while. maybe tmr or something. so that's all! very tired already. bye!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
today!
was fun!! OMG! will remember today!
so had emath paper 1 today, didn't actually study in the morning. hehe. ops. anyway, having duty of counting down the days to YOG from day 100. must put the paper on the board. everyday. doing it with a sec2! so emath paper was okay. a lot of sec2 stuff. thanks mrs fung, who said sec2 math will come out. there were some annoying questions that cannot do. but the fun part came later!
after the paper, jiayi came to my house. we played tennis, then bathed, went online. she read manga, while i got a book to read. then read SKIPBEAT together! yay! changed, went to ikea. was there early. cos we left around 1.15. reached ikea around 1.35? walked around while waiting for the rest. met anjila first. we went to anchorpoint, comics connection. she bought some posters i think...we walked around, then went back to ikea to meet meiyi. finally, the 4 of us have gone out together! after a year! met anjila and jiayi(well, got to know them better) last year around SA1 time! OMG! one year since we went out together! so happy! so we ate at ikea, talked, laughed, joked. anjila with her korean stuff, meiyi with her cows! -.- haha! jiayi about anime! well, a bit. but we talked about a lot of other stuff too! feels so good to be back with them. you don't know how much i miss you!!!! okay, nvm. so we walked around ikea. the showrooms, furniture. and thinking about our own house already!
went back to anchorpoint. anjila bought kfc for her family, and some other stuff. got scones! for breakfast tmr! so more talking, laughing, silliness! any way, exam's over! so jiayi left... then anjila got a cab. and meiyi and i took 195. she stopped at the old stc compound. THE GREENLODGE IS GONE!! went to tiong for my phone...
okay, so my phone... it spoilt in the morning, idk what happened, but the screen got stuck at one page, then the whole thing blanked out. so had to go to tiong, where i actually got the phone, to get it repaired. then they said must go to the service centre. one is at vivo. so went to take bus to interchange, then to vivo. to get the phone repaired. right now, i've no phone! SO PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR SMS MY HP! CALL MY HOUSE INSTEAD! went home, wanted to watch xiao niang re, but fell asleep on the sofa. woke up cos of a phone call.
bathed, went online, then parents came back. ate, now online again. very tired, but eventful day! thank you, anjila, jiayi, meiyi! for making this day so wonderful! i've been wanting to go out with the 4 of us for so long! so happy that we got a chance to!!!!
so pics will be uploaded tmr. will spent the whole day tmr, at home! resting. maybe call a few friends, but no numbers! ops.... hehe! but will have to make some phone calls! so today was exciting!
was fun!! OMG! will remember today!
so had emath paper 1 today, didn't actually study in the morning. hehe. ops. anyway, having duty of counting down the days to YOG from day 100. must put the paper on the board. everyday. doing it with a sec2! so emath paper was okay. a lot of sec2 stuff. thanks mrs fung, who said sec2 math will come out. there were some annoying questions that cannot do. but the fun part came later!
after the paper, jiayi came to my house. we played tennis, then bathed, went online. she read manga, while i got a book to read. then read SKIPBEAT together! yay! changed, went to ikea. was there early. cos we left around 1.15. reached ikea around 1.35? walked around while waiting for the rest. met anjila first. we went to anchorpoint, comics connection. she bought some posters i think...we walked around, then went back to ikea to meet meiyi. finally, the 4 of us have gone out together! after a year! met anjila and jiayi(well, got to know them better) last year around SA1 time! OMG! one year since we went out together! so happy! so we ate at ikea, talked, laughed, joked. anjila with her korean stuff, meiyi with her cows! -.- haha! jiayi about anime! well, a bit. but we talked about a lot of other stuff too! feels so good to be back with them. you don't know how much i miss you!!!! okay, nvm. so we walked around ikea. the showrooms, furniture. and thinking about our own house already!
went back to anchorpoint. anjila bought kfc for her family, and some other stuff. got scones! for breakfast tmr! so more talking, laughing, silliness! any way, exam's over! so jiayi left... then anjila got a cab. and meiyi and i took 195. she stopped at the old stc compound. THE GREENLODGE IS GONE!! went to tiong for my phone...
okay, so my phone... it spoilt in the morning, idk what happened, but the screen got stuck at one page, then the whole thing blanked out. so had to go to tiong, where i actually got the phone, to get it repaired. then they said must go to the service centre. one is at vivo. so went to take bus to interchange, then to vivo. to get the phone repaired. right now, i've no phone! SO PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR SMS MY HP! CALL MY HOUSE INSTEAD! went home, wanted to watch xiao niang re, but fell asleep on the sofa. woke up cos of a phone call.
bathed, went online, then parents came back. ate, now online again. very tired, but eventful day! thank you, anjila, jiayi, meiyi! for making this day so wonderful! i've been wanting to go out with the 4 of us for so long! so happy that we got a chance to!!!!
so pics will be uploaded tmr. will spent the whole day tmr, at home! resting. maybe call a few friends, but no numbers! ops.... hehe! but will have to make some phone calls! so today was exciting!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
so two days of exams!
first,
on saturday
had no amath tuition in the afternoon, its at night. so woke up at 10! a bit late..... cos slept late the night before. hahaha! used to the nightly late frieday night calls already. so fun! well, studied, went to tiong for chinese tuition. bought mother's day gift. met ms maggie lee there, talked to her for a while. went to grandma's house. had a cake for mother's day! carrot cake! so nice! talked and played with cousin, then had to go home for tuition. 8.30 to 10.30. wanted to study after that. went online to do math paper but could not last more then 30min. slept at 12.
on sunday
didn't go out at all!!!! had to spend the whole time studying. at least got my mother's day present the day before! so not too bad! and happy mother's day! so studied... woke up early... didn't sleep till almost 12.... just to get bio and amath down. and really, haven't studied these two topics till today! boring sunday! didn't go out to eat cos must study!
monday
bio... what to say? could have been better. but really, only really studied for bio the day before, on sunday, so next time must study earlier. may not get my aim for bio.... sadly...
amath, think i can pass amath! if can pass! will be very happy! at least pass!
so went home and studied for chem. was so tired.....
tuesday
chem.. also wished i've studied harder. stupid me! didn't study enough of the topics learnt this term. OMG! just hope i won't fail. so came home, went online for a while, then went to sleep. for like 4 hours!
first,
on saturday
had no amath tuition in the afternoon, its at night. so woke up at 10! a bit late..... cos slept late the night before. hahaha! used to the nightly late frieday night calls already. so fun! well, studied, went to tiong for chinese tuition. bought mother's day gift. met ms maggie lee there, talked to her for a while. went to grandma's house. had a cake for mother's day! carrot cake! so nice! talked and played with cousin, then had to go home for tuition. 8.30 to 10.30. wanted to study after that. went online to do math paper but could not last more then 30min. slept at 12.
on sunday
didn't go out at all!!!! had to spend the whole time studying. at least got my mother's day present the day before! so not too bad! and happy mother's day! so studied... woke up early... didn't sleep till almost 12.... just to get bio and amath down. and really, haven't studied these two topics till today! boring sunday! didn't go out to eat cos must study!
monday
bio... what to say? could have been better. but really, only really studied for bio the day before, on sunday, so next time must study earlier. may not get my aim for bio.... sadly...
amath, think i can pass amath! if can pass! will be very happy! at least pass!
so went home and studied for chem. was so tired.....
tuesday
chem.. also wished i've studied harder. stupid me! didn't study enough of the topics learnt this term. OMG! just hope i won't fail. so came home, went online for a while, then went to sleep. for like 4 hours!
this is the cake we had! tasted really nice!
we also had a bit of better cake..... but didn't take pic. forgot to take pic of the whole family... ops... but still have a lot of chances. espacially next week, cos its grandma's birthday! need new clothes! but... don't want to tell my mum.... wait buy another dress! the horror!! haha!
Friday, May 7, 2010
grandma!
dad and me with a sign! haha!
yi ma!
random escalator. so long!
casino! at marina bay!
yi zhang and yi ma!
grandma and mum
dad
restuarant name
grandma and her two daughters, mum and yi ma!
grandma and me!
yi ma
yi ma and yi zhang
plates?
grandma!
mum and me!
family of 3!!!
okay, so i still owe my birthday pics and efl pics. the sport day pics are with jiayi, waiting for them!!
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