so.. this week was okay. i thought monday was bad with results, apparently, monday's results were the best few already. really worrying. must do well for the next half of the year.

wednesday
well... got back my highest mark, but also my lowest mark. was disappointed with elit. could have done better. but actually after the paper, cos of all that was written, would do badly. but really wanted more! got a B3! for combined humanities. deproved .... by a lot! then history, got my highest mark. yay! my one and only A1. then amath was bad. failed amath. sad... really sad... have to explain to two tuition teachers now. yes, i've two amath tuitions and still can't pass. maybe need more? so irritated and sad with my marks. chem, was the most disappointed. not even any where near A. low, reallly low B. and class average is 72, highest is 90 plus? anyway, the rest of the day, i don't want to elaborate. came home early cos no training. thankfully, had some time to think and get over everything. pain eyes after that!

thursday
came to school, eyes were tired and pain.... idk why. well... got back emath. also disappointed. not A. just one more mark. never got a B for emath before! bio was better then expected. one and only A2. happy with bio marks. L1 R5 was HIGH! percentage was LOW!

then had YOG. lunch time from 12.40 to 1.30. sec3s were in the canteen. waiting and waiting for the bus to come. so few came. so had to self entertain. talked to nasuha and ayilisha, then went to janice, jiayi, xiulin, karthika, elspeth. played random games? chopsticks, the hitting hand one, scissors, paper, stone, both the hit hand and the spilt one. was fun! the spilt one, kept laughing with them! went to get mp3 with elspeth and karthika. karthika stayed at the bottom of the classroom block. we both went up, came down, cannot find her, then went back to the canteen, she was not there. we shouted her name several times at the classroom block. she was in the toilet... ops... sorry karthika. then we waited, and waited. till about 3.30. or maybe later? got on the bus. sat with jiayi! talked, slept. reached mandai army camp. went to the hall to dance. had buns! then formation on the hardground downstairs. our class formation was great! good job! so we were asked to form triangles. but our class was lost cos mr franis didn't give us the formation! so just ran in like that! then danced. so we waited. and waited, and waited, for the buses to get us. sec3s were the last. and we were the second last class! reached school around 7.15? so long. seriously, bus company sucks.

went for dinner with mum. reached home around 11. slept at 12. almost couldn't wake up!

friday
just couldn't wake up today. cos yesturday was so tiring! today was almost like a waste of time. jiayi brought books to school.manga. nice! was in the canteen with them, the went to class. no key, nasuha got it! went to look for someone and talked. went to the hall for mass. it was okay. then mrs wong spoke to us, then a video presentation. something about a feather and wind! went back to class. 3c joined us. 3a only had 25 people in school. idk about the other classes. did a reflection on an incident about what you did that was opposed by others and something like that... can't remember. went for recess. then to the bio lab with 3c and 3d for about 1 hour or more video on doctor Goh, a video in his memory. was so boring! can sleep! wanted to cos was very tired. had free time in class cos mrs fung didn't come. so free time! talked with friends.

went to grandma's house. had lunch there, talked to her about lots of things. her past and so on. its been a long time since we did that and i miss those times. slept at 4.30. tired out. woke up around 5 plus to watch a show, then had dinner when mum came. was supposed to go for a show with mum but she didn't want to in the end, so now at home, online.... idk what to do now.... don't want to sleep so early. and can't sleep.mind's on too many things again....


i'd never thought you'd go back, but you did, you did
oh baby you left and sailed away alone,
And now you got me trapped up on this island

With nowhere to get home

And I don't wanna go, no
I don't wanna go, go
I don't wanna go, no
I don't wanna go, no
I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it Solo (solo)

Cuz I was so high
And I was so low
And I don't wanna walk around alone, so lone
And I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it solo (solo, solo)

see you give me a purpose

lyrics from solo, iyaz. part of what i'm  feeling right now.. its like.... i don't want to be alone here, so please, don't leave me. wonder if you all know, i've a great fear of being alone and lonely. all this was compounded even more during sec1, the fear of loneliness and being alone again, no one to talk to, no one to turn to, being outcast. i'm really hoping it won't come back. those were really bad memories. but everytime something happens, i think of that year.....