somehow, i think that coming to my house today wasen't a good idea. only 6 of us were here. thanks a lot for those who came. you know that the 5 of you who came really made me feel good? and i know that of the 4 that didn't come, some of you really couldn't. but i feel that had it been at someone else house, and if i was not there, there will be like 7 people or 8 people. i have this feeling that it is me. just me...... myself. i have myself to blame...... whatever has happened, it is my fault. whatever is happening now, it is my own doing. but i don't know what i did wrong. maybe i just changed without knowing. or is it the other side? can someone please tell me? i can't go on like this forever. someday i might just break down. like just, you know_____________.